My Recovery Updates

Post Script in Memory of Sai.

2007-12-02T00:29:00.000Z

Hello Folks,
I did say last Saturday would probably be last blog post but I feel it would be nice to do this.Sai got me into updating his blog and I am missing doing it now,probably because it's so final now.

I don't really know how I managed to get through Tuesday with out breaking down but I did.I talked to our GP about that and he said it will probably hit me in about a months time (hence the Months Mind thing that is done here) I did feel Sai giving me strength.It was all a bit surreal.When the car turned into the driveway at Mount Jerome and I saw all the pupils (well,'angel's Sai's cousin said and that is very apt) lining up in a Guard of Honour it took my breath away-and then to hear Amazing Grace on the bagpipes,well.......just beautiful.We have Sai's friend Billy to thank for that.I put the window down so we could all hear it clearly.We had a Chinese piper at our wedding,Tony Ho is his name,so to have a piper on Tuesday was so perfect.

I hope Sai approved of the service but as I said he doesn't like a fuss or the limelight-forgive me Sai but you needed a fuss made as you can see from everyone that turned out to say farewell to you.'All Things Bright and Beautiful' we had at our wedding so it felt fitting to sing that and the songs I chose all had a relevance.I didn't want it to be too sombre a day and to be more celebrating Sai's life-and I think that was what happened.Sai was straight about things-no tangents or sidestepping the issue as I can tend to do but in saying that I have learned a lot from him over the years (and hopefully vice versa).He's there telling me to get on with things-so I am trying and I'm sure he will keep me on track,well Sai and all our great friend's and family who have been here to support us and help us along the road in the last 15 months.Thank You all from the bottom of my heart.

'Chasing Cars' was out when Sai was diagnosed and we just clung to each other and lay on the bed in Tallaght Hospital and I would be driving back and forwards and it was never off the radio.And latterly the same thing with Take That although I don't know if Sai even got to hear that song............the Travelling Wilbury's at the end was totally Sai,he really liked them.It was a learning experience with the lovely Chinese traditions which I had known nothing about as I've never been to a Chinese passing.East meets West.

So many people said to me what a wonderful service it was,I hope it was.Fr Michael and our friend Enda made it all run so smoothly-I'm indebted to them also.The few words I said are a bit of a blurry memory but I knew that I had to do it.Jordan did so well to say a few words too,I'm proud of him,well of all of them.

I should have thanked all the doctors and staff at Tallaght too-they really did their best to help Sai beat this.Also,if you want to do something in memory of Sai,next time you go shopping buy something organic if you don't already ;whether it be apples or shampoo (health food shop)-he would appreciate that.

On Sunday,(which is today and I should be in bed )the hospice at Harold's X is having a lighting the Christmas tree ceremony from 4pm-5pm and you can donate E5 and 'Light Up a Life' in memory of someone.I'm going to take the boys along and hope to do so every year for their dad.

Ok,signing off now-thank you all for supporting Sai's blog.

ps Thank you for comments posted E_ _ _ and C_ _ _ _ _.

Love you Sai.xxxx

Sai -Dec1966-Nov 2007

2007-11-24T09:29:00.000Z

Good Morning Folks,as Sai always says,

Many of you learned our sad news of Sai passing away yesterday morning.This will probably be the last posting on Sai's blog now and I am doing this as I know for sure that Sai will be saying to me from above-be strong,do the blog.He is here,all around me and that's what is holding things together.

Sai started to deteriorate on Wednesday and it wasn't easy to see the man you love going through that.Sai was determined as you know and that was what got him this far.I stayed over on Wed night and slept on a chair beside him..My mum took the boys out of school on Friday and our friend Jude brought them over to the hospice.I'm so glad that happenend as they got time to spend with their dad.Although very weak Sai was awake for spells.A few other friends came by as well as Father Michael our local priest here-we aren't catholic which isn't important,we have known Fr Michael for a few years.Dr Higgins the consultant at the hospice (and Tallaght) spoke with the boys.He truly is a great doctor-has all the right qualities for that proffession which you don't always see.

Jordan and I stayed over on Thursday night.Sai's breathing started to change but he was being well looked after by the nurse Anne who was on duty.He was made as comfortable as possible and i kept an eye on him too and kept telling him I loved him.I had been told that hearing is the always there and is the last thing to go.In the morning I got a shower along in the visitors area as did Jordan after me.I am just so grateful that we were both with Sai when he passed away.The nurse on duty knew that Sai was leaving us soon and got Jordan back to the room.She is a lovely nurse and was going to stay in the room but i asked if she could please leave-Sai passed away a few minutes later just after 9 30am.I feel Sai all around and he is keeping me strong.

A friend was on the way with my mum and the boys so they arrived a little while after.We all had a few tears but it was lovely to be there with Sai for a few hours.He looked at peace and no longer suffering with all that he has gone through.

I told Sai a couple of weeks ago that whatever happened he would be at home again so that is what we have decided.Sai will be coming home on Sunday afternoon and the funeral will be on Tuesday 2pm at Mount Jerome Cremitorium,Harolds Cross,Dublin.

I would like everyone to bring a single flower(or one per family or couple) with them-no wreaths please and money can be donated to the hospice if wished.

I can't praise the hospice at Harold,s Cross (Our Lady's) enough,the staff are like angels and I'm so glad Sai was there in his final week.

My heart isn't breaking at the moment as I feel that has happened already .Someone close to me was told by a woman who did not know Sai had passed away that there was someone waiting to meet Sai.I truly believe that.Sai is all around me and I know he will be happier if I can be strong so I will do my best and have strength in knowing that Sai was loved and had many friends in Intel and elsewhere.God Bless. Elaine.xxx

Tuesday-Day 4 in Hospice

2007-11-20T22:02:00.000Z

Good Evening Folks,

Sai is still very tired and weak.He's still on antibiotics but hasn't had another temp spike since the first one which is good news.I've been heading in for lunchtime,well I popped into Liffey Valley to get an ice crusher as they were blending the ice cubes for Sai but it wasn't ground down enough but they were trying-so I was tracking down a crusher for him as he loves the crushed ice.I got one in Curry's (a mini food processor with an ice blade) and Sai was happy about that so he has ice without big chunks in it now.We donated it to the kitchen on his ward.He is on St Gabriel's ward and has his own room.It's a much calmer atmosphere than the hospital and the staff are all lovely,not that they weren't lovely in Tallaght too.In saying that the care is more tailored in the hospice as it's mostly cancer patients there and the atmosphere is nice.

There weren't any curtains up in Sai's room when he arrived on Friday and that was one of the things that got to me a bit-I know it's not that important and Sai didn't even notice but it just made the room look a bit,well shabby.There was a big splodgy mark on the ceiling too and it looked MRSA 'ish.I asked the nurse about it-well to be honest it was an emotional day with Sai transferring there (as i said the other day) and i was bubbling a bit.The curtains were away to be washed as they always do that after a room is vacated (don't do that in Tallaght?) which is good to know,so they went back up yesterday and the splodges were painted over so the room looked much better.(the painters are making there way down the corridors at present)In the scheme of things i know it's not that important but the room looks cosier now and they apoligised that curtains weren't hanging then I felt bad.Sai's room is at the end of the corridor so it's quiet which is good.There's a nice sitting room near it as well.

Our GP phoned the ward to check how things were going-he's very good.The nurse took me to the phone to have a wee chat with him.It' unusual to get that personal interest these days.He thought we had done the right thing going in there as I had been thinking of Sai coming home but it would have been too much for both of us I think too.

Sai sat out on a comfy chair for a while this afternoon,he slept mostly but it's important that he's out of the bed for a while each day.He had a sore chest going back into bed and had some extra painkiller.I just hope he can get a bit stronger.

Anyway,day at a time.I met a woman in the sitting room yesterday and her husband is in a similar situation to Sai although he is a bit older.Himself and Sai actually met on the Oncology Day Unit in Tallaght whilst getting chemotherapy-it was good to chat with someone who was going through the same as I am,who understood.

Going to bed now,nite nite.E.x

Sunday-Day 3

2007-11-18T22:12:00.000Z

Evening Folks,

Myself and the boys went into visit Sai today.He didn't really want them to come in as he just wants peace and quiet,he can't really take a lot going on roundabout him as he just feels wrecked most of the time.I took them in though as I felt it was important for all of us,their dad is in a new place too and they had to see that as well.They watched a DVD in the Sitting Room and saw a bit of Sai.I stopped off at Dunne's and bought Sai a new duvet /set as he felt the blankets too heavy on him.They had got him a quilt last night but it also was kind of heavy,anyway it made his bed look nicer when the nurses changed it all.The staff are all lovely.Sai constantly needs a jug of crushed ice so they have to blend the ice cubes for him.He asked me to try get an ice crusher machine but i couldn't get one (i just missed 2 on sale in Curry's!).

Being totally honest Sai needs help in sitting up and getting out of bed now.As you can only imagine he feels totally helpless.It's very hard to see my husband that I love going through this.It's just not fair-cancer is just a horrific disease.One day there will be a cure for it and thousands upon thousands of lives will be saved.

Also he had a bit of a temp last night ,the doctor who looks about 22yrs old put him straight on an antibiotic as Dr Higgins had left instructions if this should happen.It didn't rise again so that's good.We left him comfy in his recliner chair.His swollen ankles and legs are almost back to normal which is great.I've been massaging his feet and putting cream and almond oil on them as they were/are very dry with the chemo.It makes me feel a bit less useless being able to do things for him.We'll see how things go,

Nite,E.x.

Moved To the Hospice-Day One.

2007-11-16T21:47:00.000Z

Evening Folks,

Sai moved into his room at the hospice today.Everything went smoothly and I left him dozing at 6pm.Sai didn't seem phased by it,after being in Tallaght for 2 months I'm surprised but relieved.I was the one who found it all a bit overwhelming (poor me, eh?)-anyway,it's the best thing this move.The staff are all lovely and Dr Higgins came by to see Sai had settled in ok.
Sai's aim is to get strong and get chemo again.

He doesn't want any visitors until he gets this first week out the way so we'll see how things go.I'm doing the blog for Sai as this is what he wants.His determination is still 100%.

Anyway,until tomorrow night night.E x

Thursday 15th Nov 2007

2007-11-15T22:00:00.000Z

Evening Folks,

Tomorrow Sai wil be going to a hospice.We decided that would be the best thing to do.The nurses/staff in Tallaght have been great but he will get better specialist care in the hospice.It's Our Lady's Hospice at Harold's Cross in Dublin.We were talking about Sai coming home at the beginning of the week and the social worker at the hospital was starting the ball rolling on that-getting a bed etc put in here and everything Sai would need.I talked to my GP about it-he told me that Sai's drains would be removed before coming home and wouldn't get the IV nutrients or any IV treatment,so that just isn't happening-he needs the drains or his abdomen will probably get huge again (it's still distended and doesn't look like it will go down.The blockage in his intestine is causing that and there's a lot of air in there-you would think it would be easy to get that out but it just isn't.)Dr Higgins the Palliative Care doctor in Tallaght is the consultant at the hospice as well so Sai and him know each other-he's very nice.There are only 30 odd beds in the hospice and Sai has managed to get his own room which he is happy about.It's on ground level and has gardens around it-we'll see it tomorrow.

Sai's antibiotics finished today.Dr Higgins told us the other day the infection Sai had was peritonitis-we hadn't been told that before but i suppose we would just have worried more-it's a pretty serious infection but Sai fought it..Dr McDermott was in to see Sai too but Sai couldn't really remember what he said as he was so drowsy.My GP also told me the other day that he was astounded that Sai had survived his last operation! Sai is just so determined in his head.I think he has amazed everyone.

So many friends and family of friends are praying for him,it's great and uplifting to know that.I told the boys about their dad going to the hospice-they hadn't heard of a hospice before which isn't surprising.They were told before that he might not get better but hope and staying positive has always been top of the list.You can't ever give up hope,of course you can't but my GP thinks i haven't accepted things because i still have this hope-well sorry but i just don't get that.OK that's the science outlook but if you didn't have hope then you would be as well being in a heap in the corner!

We'll see how tomorrow goes ,night.E. x

Tuesday 30th Oct 2007

2007-11-13T13:57:00.000Z

Afternoon Folks,

I have been meaning to update the blog-the boys keep pinching the white internet box in the sitting room-anyway I'm here at the hospital with Sai.Not a lot has been happening,Sai is doing much the same as last week.He's still on the antibiotics and is very tired most of the time and is eating next to nothing.The food supplement is on for 8hrs at nighttime.It doesn't look like chemotherapy is an option now as Sai just isn't able for it-but,never say never is what I say!

We all came in on Sunday to visit and i took the boys and my wee mum who's still here ,chopping up wood and rearranging my messy kitchen drawers-to see Ratatouille at Liffey Valley.It was ok,not great and not rubbish.

Anyway,we will see what this week brings-keep these prayers coming ,
E. x

Friday 9th Nov 07

2007-11-09T15:09:00.000Z

Good Afternoon,

Kinda missed a few days here.I'm on Sais pc here at hospital.He had another drain put in today after waiting a few days for it to happen.He has a lot of fluid around abdomen.I stayed over here with him on Tuesday night as he didnt feel too good but perked up a bit after that.I had huge bags under my eyes and looked like Michael Aspel! I'ts no fun trying to sleep in a hospital.

They'll be no chemo until Sai gets a bit of strength back as he's tired out most of the time so have to keep positive! Although he is perkier than yesterday as is giving me orders!

Bye for now;a day at a time!E. x

ps Thanks Lyn for card,nice to think of us and Jean's mum too!

Monday 5th Nov 207

2007-11-05T21:44:00.000Z

Evening Folks,

I just spoke to Sai on phone there-he's been very tired today and had a bit of extra pain releif and anti nausea as the antibiotics are making him feel nauseous.He didn't start chemotherapy today because of that so hopefully later this week he'll be up to it.My mum and I went in to visit him today and got back home for the boys coming home from school.He has been asleep most of the day anyway so it's better he rests and sleeps the antibiotics etc off.I'll be in tomorrow morning and hopefully he'll have had a good nights sleep.

Goodnight,E.x

Saturday 3rd Nov 2007

2007-11-03T16:01:00.000Z

Good Afternoon Folks,

I'm not sure if Sai's in a blogging mood so I'm doing a quick update.

Late Thursday/early Friday Sai got a temperature and they reckoned he had an infection,which isn't good.As he has two abdominal drains in,one on each side then that is an infection risk.The rhs drain had been in for 2 weeks which is a bit long.I did ask the SHO the day before when the drain coming out as it had been in so long-?! Anyway,along with that Sai's stomach got very distended too-so the rhs drain was taken out and a good bit of liquid leaked out too.You see the drain had seemed to have dried up as nothing was coming out for a while-anyway,once that liquid came Sai felt much comfier,it had just got stuck in a wee pocket there.

Sai had antibiotics and his temperature settled,thankfully.The docs and nurses were in and out checking him-thank goodness everthing settled.It looks like chemo will still be on for next week-they had him booked in for Monday! so we'll see if it's still Monday-but he's doing fine today so please God that continues.Sam,Sai's bro is heading back to London tonight and flying back to Hong Kong on Sunday.It was lovely he came over to visit Sai.

I'm going into visit today as i feel a bit wrecked with all the driving and the hospital air is very tiring too.I feel guilty not going in but Sai said have a day off,have a nice bath etc.He has his tv and laptop there and is doing well so he's happy and tomorrow I'll take the boys in to visit and my mum of course who has been here for a month now keeping everything going.She painted my ensuite the other day!

Nite for now-E.x

Thursday 1st Nov 2007

2007-11-01T22:12:00.000Z

Evening Folks,

Sai looking pretty good today.He is back on-line now but asked me to do the blog as he's very tired a lot of the time because of the morphine.

So yesterday the stitches came out so that's another thing ticked off.Oncology said they will assess him next week for starting chemo-which is great news! Compared to how Sai was a couple of weeks ago this is terriffic news! And,his stoma has started working again! The blockage seems to have moved or something,not sure but it's working after a 2 week absence.He has been willing it to work,as have I.

Sai is so determined to get on with this and is addressing and concentrating on one thing at a time.He's some man,I can't believe his stamina.He had an x-ray today which showed i don't know what-he was fasting all day for a dye scan thingy but that didn't happen.So his chicken curry came along for dinner and it was a bit gross so he didn't eat much of that.The dye thing is happening tomorrow-they weren't sure if it was 'safe' to do today but is going to be safe tomorrow?-yeah,not quite sure what that's about but I'll ask tomorrow.Sai asked for his NG (nose/stomach) tube to come out,even if just for a little while to have a break from it,so that was agreed and out it came-there was a big blob of something completely blocking it so that's why it hadn't been working right.Sai had been trying and trying to unblock it but it wasn't happening-he usually has an instinct to what's wrong and he was right here again.A new tube went in pretty soon after that one came out as he could feel his stomach bloating up again,so when the new one went in it started working right away (are you still with me here?!).Anyway,he is in good hands as he'll tell you himself-the doctors in Tallaght are great and we have every faith in them.

Flopsy is hopping around here looking to getting scratched behind the ears-she thinks she's a dog or cat,not sure-but she doesn't think she's a rabbit.

One day at a time...E.x

Tuesday 30th Oct 2007

2007-10-30T22:04:00.000Z

Good Evening,

Sai has no pc access until November as his credit has run out for this month,so here i am.Sai was looking good today.I took the boys and mum and Sam (Sai's bro) bowling at Blanchardstown today-then we popped over to visit Sai.It was nice to do a 'normal' thing with family.I felt very sad last night at Sai being in hospital so long and having this bloody awful disease.As Sai said we have to keep positive.On Sunday when i was over visiting Sai managed a walk along the corridor to the day room which was a great achievement.If they could just get this blockage sorted out.They are going to put a dye in and check out the blockage,maybe tomorrow-not sure.The staples did come out and tomorrow the sutures are coming out.

One day at a time.........E. x

Sunday 28th Oct 2007

2007-10-28T10:01:00.000Z

Morning Folks,

I just spoke with Sai there-he was up to toilet every 2hrs and as usual is a bit tired,although he said he feels a bit stronger which is good.He's back on the food supplement (intravenous) which means he will be getting 'fed' as his stoma is blocked and isn't working -if that would just start working.He's amazing as he keeps on dealing with it all and is focusing his mind to overcome it all-he has such strength and determination,I'm so proud of him.

Sam ,Sai's bro is here for a visit from Hong Kong and is staying with us.And my super mum is still here,holding everything together.It would be much harder to be going back and forward to Tallaght everyday without her here.

There's a programme on about acupuncture-maybe be good for Sai to try that.We've never had any acupuncture (well i had a metal stud on my ear to try help with sickness in pregnancy which was acupuncture-this exacerbated my vomiting and i ended up in Paisley Hospital for 9 days as i was visiting my mum at the time.I again was in Mullingar Hospital for same for 11 days.If anyone has had hyperemisis you'll know just how awful you feel ,all the time...)

Anyway,everyone is rooting and praying that Sai will get over this-he just has to-he's needed too much!Seemingly chemotherapy is going to be talked about this coming week,so we'll see what the plan is now.As Sai said they took his staples out on Friday so that's a step forward and on Tuesday his sutures will come out-they are very tight and they had to be as Sai's stomach got so distended,so that's be another step forward.

It is very hard to watch the man you love going through all this-as it is for the boys watching their dad,as it is for Sai's mum watching her son,as it is for our other family and friends and it ripples out and out......

Another day forward in this battle.....E. x

Small Update Before Bedtime.

2007-10-26T22:44:00.000+01:00

Well Folks,

I had an eventful day today. I had another abdominal drain put in my left hand side. So now I have 3 tubes sticking out of my body and the stoma. But what a relief I am feeling. From the new drain 4.5l was extracted already today and my stomach feels much better.

I also had my staples taken out. There were a few painful ones but it was worth it as they were sore to touch.

Well the rest of the day was fuzzy as I had a wee sedative during the inserting of the new drain and that hit me later on. Elaine and Sam were visiting and I was out of it. I just kept sleeping. I woke up a few times but was very fuzzy and only manage to stay awake for half an hour or so before I fell back to sleep.

Talk about sleep I better get some now as I had dozed off a few times writing this entry.

Nite all,

Sai.

Checking in :-)

2007-10-26T09:18:00.000+01:00

Hey Folks,

Missing Me???

I had been quiet as I am still a bit under the weather and have some bad days. Today is a good day for me. But I already feel tired. My energy levels must be very low. Maybe I am need to recoup from yesterday as I had a few visitors. First off was our local priest and he travelled down with Elaine. Then it was my brother from Hong Kong, Sam. He arrived just after lunch time and he was very tired after his journey so we just chatted for a while and we both tried for a nap. Did we manage..a nap...the doctors as nurses started to drift in and out of the room for a few hours before we managed a hour nap. Then it was dinner time. After that we did manage to get a good few hours nap before Debbie arrived to visit. She was kind enough to drop Sam off back to Enfield.

Well I only woke up 4 times during the night for the toilet and once to get my drip change. So I guess it was a good night sleep. Not. Well I off for a wee nap before Elaine and the gang arrives.

Later,

Sai.

Wednesday-One day At a Time

2007-10-24T21:12:00.000+01:00

Good Evening,

I'll do blog incase Sai doesn't get around to it-he has visitors tonight,Ian and Tom-and Tom fitted our new shower and an internal door-THANKS again ,'a friend in need...'

Sai feeling not too bad today,tired as usual but was sitting at laptop when my mum and i arrived in,so that was great to see.His Onc consultant had been in (he told us he had read the blog last week! I think i blushed incase i had written anything i shouldn't have!)...although i'm sure i said how great he and all the docs are!!!!!! I think Sai is a bit of an enigma to them in there.He is special-he's here for a good reason i'm sure.One of the registrars listened to Sai's heartbeat the other day and said 'Well Sai.....(there was a slight pause and i thought omg something's wrong with his heart...).... you have a very strong heart!'phew! That was good to hear.Sai's gran who lives in Hong Kong had her pacemaker replaced on Monday so Sai must take after her.She's doing well.

We were all very worried last week as Sai looked very grim but here he is,battling each day.I'm so proud of him-he is pretty amazing.

I came home last night as had been staying in with Sai,it felt very strange.You know when you've been on holiday (i wish!) and the house etc look different ,well that was how it was....so how must things be when you've been hospitalised for 5+ weeks? We all miss him being home-he's just got to beat this!!

Better go chase the teenagers to bed,nite and remember the prayers,E. x

Tuesday

2007-10-23T19:54:00.001+01:00

Evening Folks,

Well Sai feeling a bit more with it this week-compared to last week! He had a temp last night /early am but that has corrected itself now,thankfully.

Sai's cousins flew over for a quick visit today-one from Newcastle and one from Glasgow,so was great to see them .My friend Christine was over for a couple of days to keep us company.She stayed in the new Tower Hotel here in Tallaght,as did his mum and sister over the weekend-it's lovely.The pool opened 2 weeks ago-Christine was there doing 20 lengths each morning. She had a great time having a bit of time for herself and her essay.

Sai and myself had a lot of quality time together doing the last few days. Night time was busy as Sai was on a constant watch list which meant checks every two hours during the night. So we were both very tired today. We both had a long nap in the afternoon.

Just getting ready for bed and waiting for the drug trolley to deliver Sai's medication.

All is well here so on that we will sign off and bid everyone "Good Night"....

Nite All

Elaine & Sai..

Saturday 20th October 2007

2007-10-20T22:10:00.000+01:00

Evening Folks,

I'm still here in hospital with my beloved.Yesterday was a good day as the two previous days (Wed and Thursday) Sai was zonked on his drugs.On Thursday he had a drain put into his abdomen to try and help bring down his distended stomach as it was very uncomfortable.More than 2 ltrs were drained off right away and then it has to be slowed right down so that too much doesn't drain off.That slowed down a bit more than it should,the tube got a bit blocked-so it was flushed and the nurses got it going again,although it's still going very slowly but maybe that's best.
Today Sai got very nauseous around lunchtime and this went all day-with sickness too.It's been hard to settle-hopefully he'll sleep well and that will pass.Yesterday evening he decided he wanted to go a walk down ward corridor-a great achievement! (as he's been zonked with all that has gone on this week and has gotten quite weak)He's some man.The nurses were looking at him with a 'what?!' look and were real pleased with him.
Visitors have been coming and going from Glasgow/UK and will be over next few days too,if Sai is up to it that is.Our friend Jude brought the boys into visit although Sai wasn't feeling great most of the visit but at least they got to see dad.
Anyway,we'll see what tomorrow brings,nite.E.x

ps My mum has been fantastic taking care of the boys and I hear the house is gleaming!

Thursday

2007-10-18T09:57:00.000+01:00

Hi,
I'm here in the hospital with Sai and stayed overnight.Sai's stomach is still quite distended and is putting a lot of pressure on his stitches which is very uncomfortable for him.Things aren't going to plan with moving forward after his surgery.Yesterday he had lots of morphine so was out of it all day.A friend brought the boys and my mum in to visit as they hadn't seen their dad for a few days so that was good for them to see him although he was very tired and was sleeping mostly.

My sister and nephew left yesterday but my mum has stayed on ,thankfully to help out with the boys etc.Sai's mum and sister are on route now for a visit.

I'm very worried,don't know what else to say here,E.

Monday,again.

2007-10-15T21:46:00.000+01:00

Evening Folks,

Sai was looking good when we went into visit him today but then he had the very sore pain he's been experiencing and the colour just drained out of him.After a bit he had his 'breakthrough' injections and within 5 mins he looked way better.The nurse had to go down to the pharmacy,in the hospital that is and collect his morphine for the pump as it hadnt come up to the ward-it took a wee while to sort that out.He obviously wasnt feeling the pain last week as he was on such a heavy painkiller dose but they are upping it again as he really needs it.He is managing to eat some-i really dont want him to lose any more weight,hes slim enough now.

My visitors go home on Wed pm,it's been good having them here.I'm getting to loathe hospitals now.I just want Sai home here but i know hes not ready to be home yet.He's worried his stitches/staples will pop as they are very tight when his stomach is distended so think he wants to wait until they are out which will be around the 26th-so we'll see.

Night,e.

Painful Day

2007-10-14T22:08:00.000+01:00

Hi Folks,

I lost a lot of sleep yesterday due to my stomach bloating up again and causing me major grief all day as well. I had to have extra pain killers today just to control the pain. Most part were wound pains and not internal cramp pains. I can feel every stitch and stables holding my wound together. So needless to say I stay in a drug induced sleep for most of the day. I was glad as I was very very tired and was nearly at the end of the tether trying to control the pain.
The Prof popped into see me and we had a chat and afterwards I felt more assured than before. I was just having a bad day....

Well I thought Elaine was updating today as she stayed at home to tidy up the house a bit. Must had got carried away with tidying...

Well its goodnight from me,

Sai

Down Time

2007-10-13T23:30:00.000+01:00

Hi Folks,

I felt a bit down today as I woke up with a bloated stomach. This improved slightly during the day until after lunch when I needed something extra to stop the pain. As this point Elaine arrrived and that put smile on my face. The jag then started to work as well. We chatted and had a wee cuddle in bed. I so miss Elaine andthe family I do anything to get this beat and return home. I can't believe its is 4 weeks this time round so far.

TV is still crap.

Well time for bed...

Nite All,

Bloggerwave

Masterseek

Time for Reflections

2007-10-13T00:06:00.000+01:00

Hi Folks,

Just a quick update...

Today started off crap as my stomach balloned up again. Then the doctors started arriving. It was the pallative care team that offer a solution too that problem. That was to add a drug to speed up my bowl movement to try and relief the pressure there. It worked a treat and for the first time this week I felt hungry.

So for now I am feeling much better.

Ta Ta for now,

Sai

Bloggerwave

Masterseek

Thursday

2007-10-11T17:12:00.000+01:00

Evening Folks,
My mum and I went into visit Sai yesterday but he wasn't looking good-after looking so well on Mon and Tuesday it was dissapointing.His epidural morphine was out and his old friend the self administering pump was back on but it takes a while to build up the level to combat the pain,so he didn't sleep too well,again.Also he was a bit sick so isn't allowed to eat today.Maybe too much for his stomach to deal with over ythe past two days.When i texted him a little while ago he had had a shower and was feeling a bit better so that's good to hear!I'm not going into today,having a wee break.My mum and I popped into Dublin,went to the chinese supermarket for a few things and Penny's for a bit of retail therapy.

Sai's having a visitor tonight so i don't feel so guilty not going in.Getting homework out the way and Flopsy is sitting here beside me.A magpie was at her hutch earlier,not quite sure what it was up to but was taunting her cheeky thing! She,to my amazement had a go back at it-good for you Flopsy,didnt think you had it in you!Weird though.

Better go get dinner organised.Doesn't look like Sai will be home at the weekend,the pain thing has to be sorted out totally.He's just been through so much-things have got to be getting better now.I'm still waiting on our weekend away-come on Sai,you have to clear this hurdle!E. x

Tuesday PM

2007-10-09T22:39:00.000+01:00

Evening Folks,
Sai looking pretty good today.His aunt and uncle (brother and sister) flew in from London to visit for a few hours today which was really nice.His epidural is out and another tube that i wont talk about but lets just say he's glad it's out! He mananged,with a bit of coercing from nurse Bernie (who's one of the very efficient nurses) to take a walk along the corridor and back.It was another hurdle cleared although he came out in a sweat after.When the surgical team came around we asked Emmet how long Sai had been in surgery and he said about 2 1/2 hrs,also he has both sutures and staples-I think just to make sure they don't split and are secure.So he's getting there-has his morphine pump back on and his wee back up one still on for breakthrough pain.He also went another smaller walk out to the corridor.

I dropped my niece and beau to the airport-only took 1/2 hr from Maynooth-not bad!They had good weather anyway...(well,a good time with their friends as well!)

Nite for now,E. x

ps My mum was worried folk would think her a bit thick re the fog light thing a few days ago-she had meant cars abroad (!) :)

PS

2007-10-09T08:49:00.000+01:00

PS .I was just coming to do the blog-was just too tired last night & on Sunday Sai was very down so I just didn't feel like writing this.As you can see Sai is doing much better now-has the laptop and mob phone back by his side and is getting back on track which is great.He looked so much better yesterday,obviously after a pretty major operation it's going to take a few days to start feeling human again.

He's a star and is just going to beat this.

His aunt and uncle (both a similar age to him) are flying in for the day to visit which should be uplifting for him.My mum is still here keeping the home fires burning and my niece and her fiance have been staying in Maynooth with their friends so we had lunch yesterday and i'm dropping them to the airport today-it was lovely to see them.

Sai has just told me that Emmet the surgical reg said he could be home at the weekend all going well.I thought he has stitches but it's actually staples and they've to stay in for 3 weeks to make sure the wounds have healed properly.It's an extended H shape,sideways scar,kind of........did Sai say he's allowed to eat again-after 3 weeks of not eating (well apart from sneaking the odd sweetie and Milky Bar i found in his pocket!) he's on a light diet of yougurt and the like-so turkey sandwiches arrived,for some reason and he ate them.I've made his chinese soup and will take that in later on.He's bossing me about again so obviously feeling better!I better go get ready,TTFN. E.x

I'm Alive and Kicking!!!!!!!

2007-10-09T02:36:00.000+01:00

Hi Folks,

I couldn't sleep so I thought I check what had Elaine being written. She must had been to busy to update or just plain forgotten. She is not truly a netizen like me.
Anyway....I am still recovering from the post op and sleep for almost two days hence being awake at this god forsaken time of day. The doctors also had put me on a different type of pain control that is on demand and not constant. This is also the other reason for being awake as I keep pressing a button on a handset to get pain relief and there is a 6 min interval block...
The docs had approved a light diet and fluids for me. Which is a major relief for me as I had being surviving on sips of water during the weekend.
Today I sat out on a chair for a few hours and that was when they decided to change my pain relief one system was switched off and they other switched back on. I then decided to go for a nap. So with thee help of the nurses I transfer to the bed. That was when the true pain I am under hit me. It was like having you inside pulled apart. No words can closely describe what it felt like. On a scale of the old 1-10 it was 50.
After that I rested for a while but doctors kept turning up to check on me and more bloods were taken, etc. So I little sleep. I am still amazed I am awake now. Hopefully not for long.....

BTW On American Chopper Monday night they are building the "Intel Bike" Interesting to watch. But the real down point of tonight episode was Mikey smashing a wafer and acting the goat during the Intel tour. It really spoilt it and that was at the beginning of the show

Nite All,

Sai

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Masterseek

Saturday 6th Oct 07

2007-10-06T22:34:00.000+01:00

Evening Folks,

Sai slept well last night and most of today.I went in at tea time and his blood pressure was low,so they stopped his morphine (it's in via epidural) and obviously he started to feel the pain.Once his bp came back up the morphine was put back on.The nurse called the anesthetist a few times over the 2 hrs as he has to be informed and give instruction on procedures.He is still settled now as I just called them so hopefully he'll have a good nights sleep.

I had a good chat with Miriam,the reg as she's on call tonight and was nice enough to come up and talk with me.She was in with Prof this morning when he saw Sai and he was happy with Sai at that point ie stitches etc.His stitches are quite tightly done i think for quick healing and to lessen chance of infection-i think,not too sure.Anyway,i had paper and pen and Miriam drew exactly what happened and what was discovered during surgery.So the reason Sai had the horrible pain all this time is a tumour is blocking his small intestine and pressing onto the stomach.That couldn't just be removed as there are other small tumour deposits on the peritoneum (stomach lining) and it can be very tricky to rejoin when such a tumour is removed.I know they have done the best thing and Prof Keane has seen everything in his years as a surgeon so he knows his stuff.So he'll recover from this surgery and get back on chemotherapy asap.He does react very well to chemo so that's the plan.

My mum's just pointed out the fog to me-it's like pea soup out there!It was a little foggy on way home from hospital and i was looking for the fog light just in case but couldn't find one -we didn't have this car last winter so don't think I'm being thick!-but my mum said they don't put them in cars anymore and aren't legal?eh? never heard about that one,is that right? I will check the manual tomorrow and yes,i do know how to pop the bonnet!

So hopefully tomorrow Sai will be feeling a good bit better.I'm just glad he's alive right now.Thank God the coin landed on the right side.Goodnight,E. x

Friday-Phew!

2007-10-05T22:29:00.000+01:00

Hello Folks,
Well-geez louise,not a day I want to repeat ,waiting to hear how Sai was.So,he's doing fine and as most of you know surgery went well.Nothing was removed as I had thought that was what the (male) nurse said-he had trouble reading the docs writing .The surgeons untangled Sai's intestine as it had gotten very twisted and I'm still not sure how that happened.So,gunk and fluids were all trapped in there so they sorted that out.Sai has 6 or more tubes attached at present but he should be home in 7-10 days.At least that horrible pain in his stomach which he's had for weeks,well months will be gone.He was understandably very tired but comfortable and cant wait to eat -next week!

The nurses came in to his room to change his lines etc-they said" it should take about 15 mins" and i said ok---"oh,you want me to leave? "well,could they not just have asked me that? "Oh do you mind?" one asked ,so I said "well I don't seem to have much choice".Well,i know they have a job to do and an important one but what do they think I haven't seen before?Anyway,don't mean to moan because the staff at Tallaght are great,really lovely.I missed Emmet the registrar but the nurse paged him and he called back so I spoke to him about what had happened with Sai-and this always happens but i cant remember half of what he told me! He was heading back into surgery or he would have come back and talked to me- a really lovely doctor.

Anyway,another hurdle just about cleared!I did pick my mum up from airport last night-amazingly I pulled up at departures and she was just coming out the airport door-how often does that happen? Hardly ever is the answer!
Looking back at yesterday's blog I realised I told everyone my weight! Think i was a bit hyper!Ah well,who cares!

There's a lovely woman Helen in the next room to Sai who we both know.Sai met her in Oncology Day Ward-she has same as Sai.I spotted she was admitted and was in chatting to her and her daughter who is getting married soon .So hopefully she'll be feeling better soon but it was lovely to chat to them.
Nite for now,let you know how Sai's doing tomorrow. e. xxx

Thursday-surgery tomorrow

2007-10-04T18:55:00.000+01:00

Evening Folks,
Well surgery will be tomorrow.Sai very worried as am I but he'll be fine and Prof Keane is one of the best in Ireland.It's wait and see basically but hopefully it will be in the scale of 1-10 a 1-as in easiest thing to fix.They will do their best to not put another stoma (bag) on-so lots of prayers from everyone reading this please.Sai had a sore and sleepy day today.I had to take the boys to get their braces off and then go back to get retainers fitted in Naas.Their teeth look lovely.Sai sais not to bring boys in tonight but i felt i had to and that it was important for them to see each other.And i was right,it was best thing.

My mum is arriving in tonight at 11pm so will be going to pick her up.That will make things easier.The boys have gone to the canteen to have a bite to eat.On the up side I'm 9 1/2 stone now which is great!I told Sai,if his weight goes up or down so does mine.

The reg from Prof Keane's team Emmet came around there and Sai has signed the consent form.He'll be down in theatre most of the day-there's a lot of prepping for any rurgery,so probably wont be back in his room until tea time.Anyway,we'll see what tomorrow brings on this long road to recovery-one day at a time,nite from both of us.xxx

Nearly Forgot to post today....

2007-10-03T23:27:00.000+01:00

Hi Folks,

They days seem to be merging into one long continuous day for me. I lose track of the days and today is one of them.

Nothing much to report. Small pains in my stomach and Elaine took another day off to sort out a few things around the house. So I did not get to see my pretty wife today. But I have the internet to keep me amused and we skyped each other for 30 mins today.

The register doctor took me round to a workstation and show me the scans that were done on me. I can now visualise exactly what they mean by my bowel been extended. Take for example a bunch of normal sausages as being the norm then replace with this big thick smoked ones. That are three to four times the width of the norm. That is what is my gut looks like now. These are filled with air which are causing the bloating....

Now that I have that mental picture in my mind I will set my mind to work on getting my bowels back to normal.

First thing is to relieve the air in my gut. Nothing much to do here except to be patient and try to stimulate my gut with my tens machine....I am also taken peppermint oil pills and water to try to help move the wind about....

Well its time to retire so nite all,

Sai

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Masterseek

Bad day today....

2007-10-02T20:37:00.000+01:00

Hi Folks,

Not a good day today as my stomach started to bloat up again. It started yesterday when the nose drainage tube was taken out. I think I was drinking too much for my body to cope. So today the doctors requested that the tube to be put back in. I am glad too that this happens as I can regulate the liquid in my stomach.

Apart from that it has been a good enough day. Now that I have the Internet back on. I am limiting myself though as I don't want to over do it too soon.

It was so nice to see Elaine today. She look very beautiful today. She brought some drinks for me but upon advice from the doctor I can't drink them....

Looking at options for building a PC. So if anyone have any spare parts or money to donate please drop me an email.

During the latter part of the day, my oncologist came to visit. He does not want me to have the operation either. We talk briefly about the status quo and the continuing with the chemo. That is being fed with the liquid food and chemo. He said that this had been done before. So that is one bit of good news.

Well there surfing to do... here's a good link to keep in mind for all TV related programs

Later,

Sai

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Masterseek

Another day goes by..

2007-10-01T13:20:00.000+01:00

Hi Folks,

Its great to have the Internet back again but it is also a weakest of mine that that I will have to keep a lid on. Anyway no doctors had come to visit me today yet and I am now on my yellow supplement infusion that should take another hour to complete after that I think I go for a long walk to work up my bowel to do something. It is a bit bloated at presented but not painful. I feel like I need to go to the loo but nothing is coming out. Anyway patient is on the cards on the moment.

Feeling tired at the mo as I woke up at 4am today. I might go for a nap soon as there is nothing much to watch on tv...

Elaine is off shopping for food today and will not be visiting me today. She is taking a day off today. How I love her so much...I think I can handle one day without seeing her...

Later,

Sai

Bloggerwave

Masterseek

Me again the one in hospital !!!

2007-10-01T06:15:00.001+01:00

Hi Folks,

I finally went and signed up for the 3G services. My Internet withdraw was too severe to take. :-) (Shane thanks for the data card but it was too dear to use. Elaine will drop it back to you when she passes your way. Thanks bud...€2 for 2M....)

Still not eating. I had a tube stuck down my nose for over a week and that came out today. This is to relief any pressure in my stomach. Its funny that when I drink 7Up it comes back up green in color yet its clear when it goes down...Anyway I am been feed by infusion of TPN. Some white liquid and additional a yellow liquid. Total time of 18 hours on a drip.

Good thing is that bowel movement are happening and it is slow. Doctors are talking about an operation if this does not clear up soon.This has three outcomes open me up and do nothing, open me up and commit to life with a bag for life, open me up and I will die. Not very good odds. So everyone here is playing the waiting game and hope it will clear up itself. Oncology is anxious as I missed 3 sessions now. The other sessions had some very positive results on my liver and outside of my gut. But due to me not able to eat and get rid of what I eat. They cannot proceed with anymore treatment. My own oncologist is returning tomorrow so I will have a second opinion then.Well that's all for now...

Later,

Sai.

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Masterseek

Sunday 30th Sept 07

2007-09-30T22:01:00.000+01:00

Evening Folks,
I've been a bit busy as my friend and her gorgeous daughter were over for a quick weekend.So,Friday Sai was feeling a lot better-as my mum said it's like a see-saw;up down,up,down.....hard to predict what's going to happen day to day.Anyway,Sai has been feeling good and guess what,he's passing a bit more than the runs,you know a bit more to it but not quite back to normal as yet but this is very good news.His nose/stomach tube came out by accident-he has so many bits and bobs attatched and it's hard to mind them all,anyway he's doing well,we'll see what this week brings.Hopefully he'll be coming home soon.
He's happier anyway as he has internet connection now-shouldv'e done that ages ago.I'm tired out and feel as though i've been driving all weekend.
His consultant is back tomorrow so we'll see what he has to say.I think Sai might blog himself from tomorrow,we'll see,night for now,E. x

Thursday 27th Sept 07

2007-09-27T20:26:00.000+01:00

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Evening Folks,
Well Sai didn't have a good sleep last night and has been sleeping all day.He's drowsy as well.Yesterday he was doing great and in the afternoon they took his nose/stomach tube out as Sai was feeling so good and had been going to the loo with the runs and his stomach had gone down.All very positive and fingers were all crossed.I couldn't get a reply when i texted and called his room this morning before i set off to see him.I began to get worried as i drove in-i shouldv'e phoned the ward to check how he was beforehand,anyway as i said he was very drowsy He went into toilet a few times whilst i was there but apart from that just slept.Miriam the Reg came in-basically have to wait and see and they're all obviosly hoping Sai gets over this but it's very hard watching him go through this.I just want him back home and miss our family being together and my husband.

Not having a good day here.Need to go and put Ethan to bed now.Nite.x

Tuesday

2007-09-25T22:53:00.000+01:00

Evening Folks,
Sai on phone as I type.He's feeling good and has been having bowel movements but not sure how good on scale of 1-10 that is but it's good and his stomach is gurgling and it hasn't done that for a while-so things are moving-but don't put flags up yet still have to wait and see how things progress.Miriam the onc. reg had a long talk with us today about the ways this could go and reiterated what Emmet the surgical reg said yesterday that if they had to operate on Sai it would/could be a life or death situation.The bowel could rupture ,could get toxic shock but then again could be fine-also Sai could end up with another stoma and probably a permanent one but he's so not into that happening at all.Anyway,it could still resolve itself so let's wait and see and that's what it is at the moment a waiting game.Also they have reduced his morphine as it turns out when he gets a bit of a morphine head,you know 'happy' then it means that the morphine has no pain to work on -so it's not that you would have had too much it's that it's not needed so much.Sai has no pain today also-first time in ages.I just don't want to get too excited that it is resolving itself but here's hoping!

I picked Mike up a midnight from school last night-he had a great time in Germany but it's a bit like getting blood out of a stone-typical 13yr old boy I think.

Guess what,I managed to sell Sai's wee Golf,at last (I know ,was meant to have been sold a few weeks ago,we shook on it etc but that fell through ) but this time it is actually sold,gone,So there you are but the driveway looks a bit empty with it gone-aww! :( Anyway,when Sai does get back to work we'll get him another wee car-I'll even run him there and back,just want him well and everything back to normal-that's all I'm asking ,well,that and a new en-suite (it really needs work on it!)

Flopsy's running about here-think she's gone a bit nocturnal.I better get to bed,nite then. E.x

ps Just said on news there that a Spanish woman had taken a photo of a blonde haired girl who was in a sling on a woman's back in Morrocco and looked very like Madeline.Imagine it is her and they find her! I do think and always have that they will find her,safe and well,please God.

Monday-in one week

2007-09-24T22:31:00.000+01:00

Evening Folks,
So-CT hasn't been conclusive at all as it's hard to see what's going on.The surgical team are coming back on board now to help try sort this.They think it's less likely,but still a possibility that it's a twisted bowel.Told us that it's going to go one of three ways-either twisted bowel and taking it's time to correct itself (thanks 'gen' for your comment!) or could be tumour(s) blocking the bowel or could be scar tissue/adhesions from surgery-so there you have it.Sai had another x-ray,yes another, but Prof Keane spoke to him b4 that,so he's going to look at all pics and see what he thinks.He did tell Sai that if he was to operate it would be a BIG operation.His registrar spoke to us both when i was in visiting and he said that if there was cancer in there when they opened Sai up then it could be fatal.ok.

Sai is a bit morphine head today but he did say there on phone that he doesn't want an op.I do think it's scar tissue and the fact that he is passing wee bits of wind shows that the bowel isn't competely blocked.

Good news-the spots on his liver have shrunk with the chemo,so that's great! So surely anything else lurking there would have shrunk too?I need to ask the docs that.Sai does look good too and he's happy because-----he has his own room now-at last! Admissions must have got fed up to back teeth of him phoning everyday and he got me to phone too.He's in the McGuire Ward now.He's not even allowed to drink now-he is dreaming and obsessing about food.I would starve for him to be able to eat,he loves his food.I can't even juice anything for him.He has a 2nd pump on too to stop bile production in his stomach-this might help things.At least he doesn't have to see dinner etc coming around to othr patients-he made me pull the curtains round today as he couldn't bear to see folk eating.

I'm really tired and the phone was going a lot tonight but had to read Ethan a story as all energy is other places at the moment.Michael's back tonight,think his mob phone is out of credit as he hasn't texted at all for past 2 days-ah well,he'll soon be home.Off now.Think Sai will be in for a while-someone suggested Intel might sort out internet connection for Sai as it's like his arm is missing when he's without it-so,Hi Intel,what do you think? I mean this is his 6th stay in hospital in a year-a break would be nice:) .
Anyway,nite.E. x

Sunday 23rd Sept 07

2007-09-23T22:14:00.000+01:00

Evening Folks,

Sai was looking great today! Still nil by mouth and drip etc attatched but looking good on it.He was trying to persuade the reg ,Yannis (sp) to let him have some soup but he said no and laughing a bit (in a nice way)as he knows Sai's a trier.But he did have a packet of Jelly Babies stashed away he'd been eating,what's he like.He did share them round and we finished them.He wanted me to get him a Magnum ice lolly at the shop-I said let's just ask the nurse Sai-she said no you really can't Sai.We'll see tomorrow,they might let him have soup.We watched most of the rugby but got to depressing as Scotland got gubbed (ie massacred) by New Zealand,ah well.

Mike's back tomorrow nite from Deutshland.I didn't tell him Sai was in hospital,they're wasn't any point giving him something to worry about.He's had a really good time-hope he remembers to pack everything like his charger etc.

We have my friend and daughter visiting this coming weekend,I need to have a clear out but is hard fitting things in what with going back and forward to see Sai etc-things usually work out anyway.

getting late,off to bed now,nite. x

Friday 21st Sept

2007-09-21T19:44:00.000+01:00

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M
Sai doing well still.He had his ct scan around 11am.They wont discuss it fully until Monday because they have to compare all his old ct's but were able to say that they didn't see anything 'new' there....or words to that effect.The bowel is still obstructed but looks like it's easing up,he isn't vomiting and had to rush to find a loo (still in a ward) in the middle of the night as someone was in it-he went into the female ward next door and used theirs-(is that TMI?)-anyway that is a good sign,going to loo,it shows things are working in the bowel dept.Dr Higgens ,who's with the
Palliative Care Team and is the 'controlling pain man 'is lovely.He was having a chat with us today and is pretty sure this is a twisted bowel.They sort out out the morphine pump side of things until it's not required.

Poor thing,he's starving-he hasn't eaten since Sunday pm! And keeps seeing food on the tv and everyone in the ward getting their dinner etc,cruel.Sai loves his nosh and is dreaming of spare ribs and dim sum at the Good World restaurant in South Great George St.I took his laptop in and some books and he's giving me orders so is def feeling better.

I'll take the boys in tomorrow to visit after Ethan has been to GAA football and the chimney sweep comes-I might take them to the golf driving range in Celbridge on route.

Michael enjoying himself in Germany,text said he's having a 'gr8' time, which is reassuring to hear.

Anyway,another day along the road of Sai's recovery.Onwards and upwards,nite.E.x

ps Since this is the 21st of Sept i just have to ask does anyone remember the Earth,Wind and Fire song which goes 'Do you remember,the 21st night of September......'well,this is it-so there you are,useless information from me-nite.

Thursday

2007-09-20T22:05:00.001+01:00

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Evening Folks,
I'm watching House and doing the blog at the same time.I've missed loads of episodes but Sai downloaded them for me (thanks hubby!)

Anyway,Sai looked way better today and was actually awake and chatting when i visited-makes a change from past few days.He says he's lost 3 days-barely remembers anything of them.He's still nil by mouth til they see what is actually going on.Yesterday's x ray showed that the nose/stomach tube was in the right place-the tube was blocked (with bits of gunge probably) and the nurse tried to unblock it but not with much success today Sai had a go and he managed to unblock it-"physician heal thyself"-surrounded by top docs and nurses and he unblocks it himself! He pushed air into the tube with the big syringe and then pulled it back and voila.The bowel looks a bit better on the x-ray too.A ct scan is on for tomorrow,they want to check the stomach too-Sai has been pushing for a ct.If it's not a twisted bowel then it's something else to do with the c word but it wont be that,i just know it.The results of ct wont be back til Monday and they want me there too when they give them-it'll be fine,i have faith in that.

He had a visitor,well Billy when I left-left them to have a guy's natter-had to get home to boy's anyway.Sai looked tired out by then so should have a good sleep tonight,especially since i took in his ear plugs (it was probably the rest of the ward who needed them the last few days! :) )Anyway,onwards and upwards--nite.x

Masterseek

Wednesday

2007-09-19T21:23:00.000+01:00

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Hello,
Sai still sleeping most of the time today.When i arrived in i found the nurse who is minding him today and asked how he'd been.She told me he'd been sick but then said it was after they gave him some pills-hello! nil by mouth,does that not include pills?I'm no doctor but seems simple that he shouldn't be swallowing anything other than ice chips.His morphine pump is working away and his tum has gone down a bit,not a vast difference but a difference nonetheless drain in his nose/tum isn't working too well so they decided he needed an xray,yet another,to check where the tube is as it might be in the wrong position.I wasn't too happy of another xray,more radiation and asked can it not be done by ultrasound.The nurse said she'd get the reg Miriam to talk to me but she didn't come and the porters came to take Sai to x-ray-well in saying that a dr from the pain team talked to me about the x-ray,so it was probably the best thing to do.
He was definitely looking a bit better today.Hopefully now he's on the mend and this is getting better.And,he phoned when I was putting Ethan to bed so that's a step forward as he hadn't phoned or texted at all.Anyway,we'll see what tomorrow brings.

Michael is fine-he called me! Only because i was onto the school and concerned about not hearing from him yesterday,so the teacher accompanying him asked him to call me-what's he like?He's staying in the basement (Home Alone sprang to mind when he told me that!)He's happy anyway so that's a relief.

Anyway,we'll see what tomorrow brings,nite.xxx
ps Last night i said this was the same as last time with fluid around abdomen but meant to say it ISN'T the same-as it's gas in Sai's tum not fluid.
Masterseek

Update-Tuesday

2007-09-18T22:02:00.000+01:00

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Masterseek
Hi Again,
I thought i'd just do a part 2 tonight.Sai is much comfier tonight as he is on a morphine pump.The Dr said his bowel is twisted and the best way to deak with that is to rest it ie nil by mouth.So he's on a drip.His stomach is still very swollen and he was vomiting a lot but that has stopped since on the pump which is great.I was in for a few hours today.He did look terrible and it was more upsetting watching him sleep because he looked so bad.Tonight the nurse said he had been sitting in the chair for a bit and was much comfier.I sent him a few texts as didnt want to waken him up but didnt text back so must be sleeping again.

So it's same as last time when all that fluid was on the abdominal wall.The dr said 80% of the time this corrects itself so i said ok,we'll be in that 80% then thanks.
My phone has been going a lot today and it's great people are concerned but it does get a bit much sometimes so if i don't answer,sorry.This is what the blog is for-to make life easier-but i know it's good to talk sometimes too.

Anyway this should resolve itself in a few days.I feel so helpless seing Sai go through this.Needless to say he didnt get his chemo today,he'll get it again when he's better.Got to keep the faith & Sai will get through this and amaze everyone!

pff to bed now,nite.x

Yet Another Hiccup........

2007-09-18T08:52:00.000+01:00

Bloggerwave
Hi Folks,
Well not gret news as Sai is back in hospital again.His stomach got very distended and our gp came into see him and said she wanted to admit him but Sai didn't want to go-and who can blame him.Anyway we decided to leave it and see how things went over the afternoon but they didn't improve any.Sai slept all day and thet isn't like him lately.He agreed to go in then around 6pm and the gp arranged an ambulance to take him over to Tallaght Hospital.I followed in the car as i'd have no way of getting home without it.

At A&E there were about a dozen people,or more waiting on trolleys to be seen-i thought something was after happening! Luckily our gp had spoken to the oncology team in the sfternoon and they had called me-i also had spoken to AnneMarie the liason onc nurse and she knew too-so the doctor on call knew he could be coming in-so Sai was seen to right away-no 9 and half hors waiting around this time.The dr was lovely,Larry Bacon and he put a tube down Sai's nose into his stomach and a lot of liquid was drained out.This isn't the same as last time-last time the liquid was accumulating outside the stomach-peritineum wall.An x-ray showed there is an obstruction in the bowel which in turn isn't letting much get by hence the bloating.He's now in the Webb Ward,yet another ward.I spoke to him there and he's a bit sore still but is meant to be getting his 4th big lot of chemo today (really his 8th if you count it every week) so i better get organised and go in to see him.

Ethan stayed over at a friends which was great and Michael is in Germany (i dropped him to the school at 4am yesterday morning-our wee boy, going off on his own !) His flight left for Frankfurt at 7 15 am-i got a text eventually at 13 15! he's happy anyway so that's good.

Better go and see my darling,bye.xx
Masterseek

So Far So Good...

2007-09-14T20:37:00.000+01:00

Hi Folks,

It has been a weird day for me today. I still could not sleep and on top of that I have constipation. So its a typical day for me...I did manage to catch a few hours sleep this afternoon. Apart from these I am doing great. I am still not trying to do too much as I know I will be suffering later.

Elaine was out most of the morning sorting out Michael medical forms in Navan and I had asked her get some scallops. When she got home I made a quick stir fry with noodles and it was divine to eat...

In the evening I started gettting pains aroung my stomach and I had a lot of gas that had to go. It was not a present experience at all and it lasted a good 3 hours...

Elaine's friend had arrived from Glasgow and they are busy chatting downstairs. She will be with us till Sunday. It is nice have her here.

My car is back on sale again and head over here for details.

Well its time for bed....

Nite All,

Sai

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Masterseek

Me Again..

2007-09-13T16:46:00.000+01:00

Hi Folks,

Just about recovered from my ordeal at the hospital and with chemo this week. I am putting on weight again and I am now past the 12 stone mark. I am generally feeling good despite having an odd sleeping pattern. I usually have a 3-4 hour sleep in each 12 hr cycle. It is not making me overall tired or stressed and I am coping. Pain wise I still require a top up at least once every 12 hours...

The two older boys are home today as the got a day off due to the junior cert results been out yesterday. Jordan passed all his subjects and got a A in Maths...the only C he got was in German and all the rest were B's. We are very proud of his accomplishments and we will treat him to something nice in the weekend.

We had been busy with all sorts visitors all this week. The members of the Home care team that are dealing with us had been coming out to introduce themselves and to let us know what they can help us with. Also our GP had been popping by to give me a daily check up. I feel very humble for all of them to come out to see me.

We also had some very pleasant visit from friends as well. It is good to catch up and chat. It is so good to be back home and been able to do my own things and eat good food. It is also nice to be with Elaine and the kids too.

Well there is nothing much to add so till tomorrrow...

Later,

Sai

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Masterseek

Tuesday-------9/11

2007-09-11T10:28:00.000+01:00

Bloggerwave

Hi Folks,

Elaine here.Sai's not back on full track yet but is getting there.Things have been busy around here,what with our GP popping in Thursday,Friday and yesterday-(I said we were honoured for a home visit and it's taken 10 yrs for that to happen!i'm cheeky,aren't i ?!he knows my sense of humour by now)....anyway,Friday we had the district /public nurse here,Helena the Home Care Team from Navan here and also a rep from the company that makes the drug/injection Neulasta that Sai has to have every 2nd Friday all showed up at the same time!- all with Sai's well being in mind which is comforting to know-the health system works.

Sai kind of mentioned in his last update (which is meant to say body,not boby-he was a bit spaced still i think) that he's o d' on his Oramorph .In hospital he always had 20ml ,so Sai assumed that was what to take at home,only it comes in different strengths -so basically Sai took 4 times the dose he was meant to! I should have been more aware too.Our gp asked on Friday was he confused or hallucinating etc but he wasn't at that stage,he was fine-but by Sat afternoon then it showed up.I came home after bringing Ethan home from a party and Sai was acting a bit odd,after that as the day went on it was like he was drunk which I have rarely seen (Sai's a bit of a control freak and was never into going to the pub) I tucked him into bed at 8 45m and he arrived back downstairs at 9pm,after being in the toilet for 5 mins too and said he'd had a sleep and felt wide awke now! He thought he's been sleeping for hours.Ok,time to call the doctor on call and ask advice-they decided to send a doctor out to check him as an infection can also cause these symptoms-anyway it was the effect of the Oramorph od.On Sunday he was back to normal,thankfully.He had thought he was somewhere else at times on Sat too amongst other things .

Back on track now-need to hurry this up as Sai has just txt me (!) from his bed asking for sausages,egg and bread with brown sauce-nice for some! He has hospital this afternoon,just the one drug infusion this week so not so bad.

my friend Jenny is visiting this weekend so be good to have a visitor.Sai had 2 worky visitors last night too,Billy and Liam-nice to see you guys!I had to go to Mike's school for meeting re his German exchange trip next week.My wee boy,he's never been away from home,i'm a bit nervous about it but i'm sure he'll be fine.Worms is where they're going.It's an 800 yr old school and the itinerary is all set out-the Germans are very organised and Mike's school isn't so much-that's the laid back Irish for you (no offence!).

Better go get the food and all the other stuff that needs doing...bye for now.E.x

Out of boby and mind...!!!

2007-09-09T13:36:00.000+01:00

Hi Folks,

I think I have finally managed to overcome my slight overdose of one of my pain killers today. I am thinking more clearly the first time for the past week and I thought I was just glad to be at home. I leave all the details for Elaine to pass on to you as I don't remember half of what been happening since I arrived home. All I remember was that I needed food and water when I require them and going to the toilet (a lot)...

Thanks for all your nice phone calls and well wishes. It makes a lot to me when I receive them. This old dog is not giving up so easily...

So one of the habits I had picked up is that I had started to read a lot. I think it keeps the old mind busy...it is better than lying in bed wallowing in pain...I am still getting used to the chemo and the follow on drugs. One set makes me constipated and the other the total opposite...Needless to say I am sussing it out as I breathe and live.

I am still been positive despite all the other set backs but I am glad Elaine and the kids are here as they had pulled me out of a few sticky situations where I was really at my lowest. Not sure what I can say about that as it is very frightening just thinking about it. So I will say no more...

Right I off for a rest...

Later,

Sai

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Masterseek

All is quiet...

2007-09-08T17:01:00.000+01:00

Hi Folks,

Today had been one of these strange days that seem to have nothing accomplished. At one point we were in danger of going backwards... and it seem so normal as well...go fiqure...

After a few mishaps I am glad to sign off for today....

Later,

Sai

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Masterseek

Good to be well again

2007-09-07T18:56:00.000+01:00

Hi Folks,

Sorry for not posting the last few days. I am just surfacing from the post hospital stress syndrome...and getting back into the swing of being home again.

Today we finally managed to get my medication back on track. Slight confusion on one of the drugs and I was taking twice the dosage. So I am recovering from that now...Apart from that I am finally managing to catch up on my sleep. The only thing preventing me having a decent night sleep is my old problem with my bowels. Anyway need not to mention that here...

I am still coming to terms with my current situation and I am reluctant to talk openly on that. So I hope people would not ask and respect my wishes...I live day in day out..taking each day as it comes along.

Well I am off for a rest...

Later,

Sai
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Masterseek

Home Sweet Home !!!

2007-09-06T04:37:00.000+01:00

Hi Folks,

It is very strange been at home. Mind you this is the place I rather be than hospital. I had a very lazy day and I am still finding it hard to get a good spell of sleep. I kept dozing off then get the falling over the cliff sensations. It makes me nervous.

So here I am anyone are welcome to visit and have a good chin wag...

Nite All,

Sai

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Masterseek

Tuesday-35 days

2007-09-04T22:45:00.000+01:00

Hey Folks,
Well Sai actually had his 3rd session of chemotherapy today! The reason for that is that he has to have an injection 4 days after his chemo and that would have been Saturday-but as he's meant to be coming home tomorrow now then Sat would be no good as the 'Home Care Team' can't come to the house on a Saturday-hence changing it to today.The Home Care Team are based in Navan and will continue in taking care of Sai once he's discharged which is great to be focusing on now.So we'll get him home and he's just going to get better and better and that's that.

He went back up to the ward around 6pm and had missed dinner at 5pm so decided he would order a pizza from Papa Joe's-must be feeling good as he was hungry which is great to hear (although pizza isn't the most nutritious food but at least he's eating!)

Turkey Update-well the fire seems to have gone as they were sunbathing today! ....and no mention of it on Sky News.I told her to 'Keep The Home Fires Burning!'

Better get to bed,tired out with getting up early for boys going out to school at 8am!Jordan left his lunch on the kitchen table so i took it into school and the Headmaster called him on intercom to come to office-twice! as he didnt hear it first time bacuase he was in a portacabin room,so didn't get his lunch until after lunchtime.I got Mike moved from Ordinary Maths into Honours as he's able for it and will be better point wise.

Right going to bed,night night and bye from me,E.x

Monday 3rd Sept- Day 34

2007-09-03T20:36:00.000+01:00

Hey,
Sai feeling good again today,especially now the steroid mix up is sorted out.The team were in when I arrived in this morning,they don't know who took the steroids off Sai's list but anyway they know about it.If Sai's still feeling good on Thursday then he will be discharged-so here's hoping!The hospital have been in touch with the Care Team in Navan so they'll be back and forward and keeping an eye on Sai and that his medication is right etc-anyway he'll be into Tallaght every week as well.

Anyway,my mum texted there from Turkey and there are fires on the hills way behind their hotel-20 fire engines have gone by! Wish she had told me when it was over,now i'm just worried .

Going to bed now-so looking forward to Sai coming home-night,E.x

Sunday 2nd Sept 2007

2007-09-02T21:40:00.000+01:00

Bloggerwave

Hello.
Well as you saw Sai was home yesterday & it was great him being here ,back where he belongs.He just took it easy today and stayed at the hospital.He didn't get any steroids and was told they had been taken off his list,yet it had been discussed on Friday and the plan was to keep them going as they seemed to be helping/doing the job.So,he started getting pains in his stomach and the doctor didn't know why the steroids had been scrubbed off so Sai got them again and lo and behold they helped.???There was no name of the doc who had scrubbed them off-bit of a mystery.Of course Sai doesn't want to ruffle any feathers but i just might enquire-well,i've got to fight his corner for ,that's my job.

Hopefully Sai will be coming home this week-time will tell & hopefully the chemotherapy on Wed will get to grips with this pain that Sai is having.Debbie popped into see him last night and brought half the shop with her (too generous!) Sai looked happy .

I brought the boys up to Liffey Valley to get a few things and a bite to eat.Sai should be with us,he will be soon.Then a quick shopping in Tesco then home.My muma and neice are on their way to Turkey right now-a wee 12 hr flight delay but took off eventually.

Jordan and Michael start back at school tomorrow-could their holiday's be any longer? What is it with the Irish school holiday system?I don't know anywhere else that has these long holiday's!
Better go check they're in bed,early start tomorrow-pack boy's off to school and then i'll go see my darling,night.E

Its me :-)

2007-09-01T14:28:00.000+01:00

Hi Folks,

I am just taking a break from hospital. The doctors felt that I was well enough to go home for a few hours. So here I am. It is so good to be back at home considering I have been in hospital for 5 weeks now. Next week will be my sixth. This latest stay in hospital is the worse one yet. It has not been pleasant at all. I am still traumatised with the events of the past few weeks and well I return home for good I will post my thoughts here. For now it is just a quick "Hello" ;-)

I off for a bath then a wee nap...

Later,

Sai

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Masterseek

Friday

2007-08-31T09:21:00.000+01:00

Morning Folks,

Sai was on good form yesterday.When I see him like that it's great and you just hope that this is it,he's on the up and up.Jordan and Michael came in with me,so they were quite happy to see their dad looking good.He sounds not bad this morning too.Third chemotherapy coming up next Wed so hope that turns things around.

Colin sorted our shower out yesterday morning-THANKS! again,-our water had been off a couple of times lately so think this caused an air lock.Don't need to go to the leisure centre for a shower now!

Sai's hoping to be out next week but we'll see how it goes.Tom and Ian went in to visit him last night,friends and co-workers,and Debbie going in on Sat night-good to break the monotomy.

Bernadette Bohan was just on Ireland AM there juicing.She has twice beaten cancer and has written a book of her story.She's at the RDS this weekend and has a few seminars coming up that would be good to go to.Also Philip Day has seminars coming up in Ireland that i want to go to.Sai would have liked to go but he has to be wary of mingling with crowds as germs colds etc spread easily.

I heard the man i was talking about last week who fell 30ft came home yesterday from hospital so hopefully he's doing ok and it's not as bad as first feared.I'll find out.

10yrs since Princess Diana's passing-that has gone so quickly.She was something special although i'm not a big fan of the Royals but she the gift to change things,touch people and do good.

Anyway,going for a shower,later....
ps Sai's Gran called from Hong Kong yesterday morning at 1am,twice.You know that horrible feeling you get when the phone goes 'in the middle of the night'-she must've got her times mixed up-she's a lovely lady.....E.

Wednesday

2007-08-29T22:59:00.000+01:00

Hey,
Sai had his single treatment chemo today (next Wed has the 3) and sounded ok.He had his dinner so that's good.Taking boys in tomorrow morning to see him,well not Ethan as he's at school.

A friend is coming to have a look at the shower tomorrow-thanks Colin.Sai /we first met Colin and Finola when Sai started in Intel 12 yrs ago(!!)-can't believe it's that long.we were hoping to have the en-suite totally redone this year but that just hasn't happened-it's not as i'd like it to be but i have got the brochures!(translated this means is shabby looking but smells ok!)

Otherwise not much else to report here.Have made Sai his chinese soup and he told me about 6 times how to use the thermal pot that i've cooked it in (he never gives up,must be the technical mind! He doesn't get that once is enough and i shut off after that!) I was outside edging around the front grass (with an edger that is,not just shuffling around it:)....)and he was calling home but we were all outside but was good he phoned as he only does that when he's feeling pretty good.

I was on and off the phone trying to sort out the bank mess thing.It was BOI Leasing that messed this up...hopefully tomorrow it will be sorted.Anyway,trying to have inspiration and attract good things to us...better get to bed..night.E

4 weeks

2007-08-28T21:43:00.000+01:00

Hi,
Well,Sai has now been in hospital for 4 weeks.He's cocooned in that room of his although did go a walk to the shop tonight.I went in this afternoon and his painkillers hadn't kicked in yet so didn't feel up to going for a walk then.We hardly got to talk as I had to make phone calls to various different people as our current account was E15,000 overdrawn! A big mix up with car finance/Mazda!!!!!They shouldn't have done that-are they thick or what!!!And denying it was anything to do with them-Sai blaming it on me and getting really annoyed.I wouldn't have told him about it had it not happened at the hospital-couldn't get any money out!(just like he doesn't know the shower's not working,he's got enough to think about)Anyway,our bank is sorting it out-aaahh!They gave us a temporary over-draught so i could get some money out.sai needed snacks for later so I went to Marks and him some stuff.The steroids are making him hungry later at night and a bit irritable to boot.I managed to sell his wee Golf and he was giving out yards cos i didn't haggle the price-i think we did ok getting E750 for it!Most females wouldn't even have tried to sell it but i don't have much choice but just not into haggling prices-considering Sai said take E700 as lowest!I think i did pretty well.he did phone me back and say sorry for being so crabby.

Tomorrow he gets the anti-body/chemo treatment.It's not as harsh as next Wed,the 3 chemo treatments although strangely enough that helps with his pains and then wears off at the weekend.So he's rattling with all the pills he's on.Although he didn't get his steroids yesterday and kept asking-was eventually told the pharmacy had run out?bit odd?So didn't get any.He told me this on phone this morning so i phoned the nurses station and asked why he hadn't had them and needed them as he had pains (which they are helping with)i told the nurse i wasnt impressed.She reckoned the analgesics are for the pain but Sai told me the dteroids are helping the spasms in his stomach.....anyway.I'm fed up with hospitals,walking along that carpet to Sai's room,the room,all of it-so Sai must be well beyond fed up with it all!He did use the internet yesterday with the card that Shane lent him,thanks Shane.I put E40 credit on it online-but it hardly lasted 15mins!!!Bit expensive but at least he got to read his e mails.It would be good if they had an IT room in the hospital for patients-hard to keep an eye on maybe although I don't see why they couldn't have one.

So school back today-the yard was mobbed!No complaints from Ethan,likes his teacher,4 new boys(!) and 1 girl ...or 3 boys and 1 girl,can't remember but must be around 33 or 34 in the class!....and no homework which is the best bit!

Going to bed as shattered,night.E

School was back today

Sunday-another day closer to Sai coming home

2007-08-26T20:12:00.000+01:00

Hey Folks,
Sai was dozing most of the time I was visiting today.The painkillers are making him sleepy but he needed them as the pains are back in force.At least the fluid isn't building up!Miriam,the Reg came in whilst I was there;she prescribed some steroid pills which should help ease things-she's very nice.I took a walk over to Marks&Sparks and got a few things for Sai.I did want to take him for a wee hurl in a chair out to the garden -and Miriam said this too-Sai's cocooned in that room,not good for him!-but as I said Sai was dozing.

Anyway,the chemo is working away on him and it will do it's job.

I better go get Ethan in as school starts on tuesday and he needs to get to bed early-body clock and all that.
Night....

Saturday

2007-08-25T11:24:00.000+01:00

Hello,
Sorry haven't blogged for a couple of days-different reasons;busy,boys keep taking the leads from the laptop and using them upstairs! I'll need to start hiding them.

Sai still in hospital but at last they are managing the pain.AnneMarie the Onc Liason nurse put Dr McDermott straight on the pain Sai was in-he didn't know how bad it was-maybe Sai not shouting loud enough or the dr being there at the wrong time and not seeing Sai when pain was worst.Anyway,he's now on a morphine based painkiller-Orthomorph and MCT,which is control drug and has to be watched being swallowed-patients of a different nature seemingly try to sell these on!Never thought of that happening but there you go-and Sai will def be swallowing his!So his 2nd chemo went well on Wednesday and I took the boys in to visit on Thursday after being at the orthodontist (braces are coming off in a few weeks!) and Sai was looking way better than I thought he would.It was a good visit.The fluid on his abdomen was discussed-the team came in while we were there which was good-boys sent off to the day room-it didnt seem to be too bad but if it did get that way then it would be drained.So the chemo seems to be working on it as planned cos yesterday it was still ok.

I have faith Sai will get through this setback and that's what I have to focus on and what will get me/us through this.

We're selling his wee Golf as it's just sitting on the drive and Sai won't be back to work for a good while-no callers yet!

The boy's are doing fine and just want their dad back home and well again.Ethan's back to school on Tuesday so i'm going to check everything is in order and J and M are back the following week.Forgot to say Sai's blood count was low (white) b4 chemo on Wed but they said yesterday it was back up again so that was good news!He had two other lots of visitors yesterday too so that was nice and gave him something to think about.Ethan and I went over around 6 30pm for a while.Sai walked us down to the shop/door which he hasn't done at all this time.I met a woman from Enfield in the shop-knew each other's faces but werent sure of names-her daughter was in Michael's class at primary and they go to the same secondary school and chat on the schol bus etc,Helen her name is.Anyway,her mum was at the hospital because her husband had had a bad fall last week.He fell 30ft on a building site and he has brain damage.His spine is fine but has various broken bones.I'm assuming the brain damage is permanent as she didnt say otherwise but you never know.Their lives have all changed in the click of a finger.My heart goes out to them.You see how precious life is and how we should enjoy every day.

We're going to go up swimming now so I'll try and get the boys motivated-not easy sometimes!
Later,E.

Wednesday

2007-08-22T22:25:00.000+01:00

Hi Folks,
Sai had his 2nd session of chemotherapy today and said not to go in as he'll be sleepy and nauseous all night (finished chemo around 6pm i think).I feel really guilty not going in.He was given better pain killers yesterday as he pain wasnt going away or being dulled for long so I think they've helped.AnneMarie,the Oncologist Liason Nurse who is really lovely popped in yesterday when i was in visiting and she said we need to sort this pain out (just sending another text reply there-phones been going all night!)Ray McDermott didnt realise Sai had been in such pain-why did no one realise,I keep saying it! although i havent seen McDermott since he just came back off holidays but i don't think Sai was 'shouting' loud enough!

Anne Marie called me around 5pm and had a chat.She said Sai was sleeping on the chair (getting his chemotherapy) and had his i-pod on which is a good sign as he's not even been feeling up to that lately,in fact has hardly used it since being in there-and that isn't like him.

He has been told the you know what has spread a bit-that's probably what's causing the pain in his stomach,along with the fluid.So,the chemotherapy will have to work twice as hard and get rid of it ALL!Yesterday wasn't a great day and Sai was quite upset-it's so hard sometimes and I feel helpless most of the time-clean pj's,t-shirts,socks and juice-that's what i'm doing.We're going to sell Sai's wee Golf as it's sitting there doing nothing.I took some pics and Jordan printed it out so going to put it in newsagent's window tomorrow.

better get to bed as up early tomorrow,night.E

Monday-3 weeks

2007-08-20T23:25:00.000+01:00

Hi Folks,
Sai texted me first thing this morning and Prof Keane (surgical) is back from holiday and popped into see Sai.He said 'you poor thing...'He said there was fluid on the abdomen and he would like a drain put in,again-and to get a ct scan.So i thought all that would have happened but when i spoke to Sai later on he said that Ray McDermott,also back from holidays had popped in also and he doesn't want a drain put in,again! I'm not sure if they had a meeting of minds about it but R Mcd said he has seen this happening before and it's best to let the chemotherapy sort it out.Sai has his 2nd lot of chemo on Wed. and they had said it would take 2-3 weeks for the chemo to start working on the liver (where fluid is coming from) so that's what we're going with.You see there is a chance of infection getting in with a drain and that would not be good.Sai's face has come out in spots (i know i said that before) but the oncoligist who was on last week did say that she was pleased to see that as it means the chemo is working and doing its job.

Well,he didn't get the ct as the list was full-cheers!And he had an x ray last night and adrain put in his nose to the stomach incase it was gas in the stomach causing the stomach to swell-----no-------so that taken out this morning.Poor Sai,he's just been through so much.Well,as my friend Sinead said,he;ll be sitting on Blainead's (sp) couch telling all one day!!!(The Afternoon Show here in Ireland-a magazine programme-her name is pronounced Blon-id.)I was planning to head over to visit him after t time and then go to Clane as the boys were going to see a councellor who does this voluntarily on a Mon night,she's lovely.But Sai said dont come all the way over here,I'm fine ,just sort the boy's out.I feel bad not seeing him again-def going over tomorrow.When i told Mike about the counseling he said 'we don't have to talk to puppet's do we?!'I think he saw it on Drake&Josh and he was half joking but was quite funny.Ethan of course chatting ten to the dozen! So we're going again next Monday but a bit earlier as Ethan will have school next Tuesday.

Anyway,better get to bed,night night.E. x

Sunday

2007-08-19T17:21:00.000+01:00

Hi,
Just going to put dinner out-a nice organic chicken and veg.Sai's in hospital today.he did come home yesterday and i dropped him back over around 8 30pm.He had pains in his stomach during the night and his tummy has gone a bit bigger again so he stayed in today.The reg who came around to see him thought he might be a bit constipated but i'm not so sure thats what it is.If the fluid is starting to build back up then they'll have to drain it again.His oncologist is back in tomorrow after being off on holiday for 2 weeks so i feel a bit better knowing that.We'll see what he says.sai will get his 2nd lot of chemotherapy on Wednesday so maybe after that it'll really start working on things.I don't think he'll be coming out tomorrow by the looks of it.It was nice having him home yesterday and us all having dinner together.I keep thinking of when life was normal before all this happened,Sai going out to work at 6 30am-I can't wait til it's all back to normal again.
Bye for now.E.

FRIDAY

2007-08-17T21:47:00.000+01:00

EVENING FOLKS,

Sai continued to feel good today! So great to see him feeling good and not in pain.This is the best he's felt since May! I took his chinese soup into him.I went over to the organic farm shop at Clogharinka (sp)-back into healthier eating-we,ve been straying lately.Sai will probably be allowed out for the day tomorrow ,i'll go bring him home and then drop him off in the evening.His tummy looked a bit bigger-not sure if it's just food or liquid starting to build up again-hope not!
Sai will probably be doing his blog from tomorrow.....need to get E to bed..night. E. x

Thursday

2007-08-16T22:53:00.000+01:00

Evening Folks,

Well today and tonight Sai sounds like well,Sai and that hasn't been the case in a while so hopefully this has turned around at last-please God.He said he wasn't holding onto things to go to the toilet as he was doing,stooped a bit like a much older person would do.He went a stroll to the hospital shop too,so is definately feeling much better.I don't think he's been out of his room since last Sunday-well,the porter took him for an x ray a couple of days ago but that doesn't count.

He had his 2nd lot of anti-bodies yesterday but that doesn't seem to have horrible side effects on it's own.He has come out in spots though-the chemo but feels they look better today.I feel really hopefull that it is turning around now and if it isn't I'll just be so gutted.Positive thinking now!He'll be home Monday if things continue to improve,That'll have been 3 weeks in there-no wonder his head feels wrecked! I'm making some chinese soup and taking it into him tomorrow.It has bits and bobs of things i don't know the names of (which we keep in the bottom of the freezer) and a frilly fungi thing that come in packets,boil it up with a couple of pork chops (well my butcher gave me a really good piece of pork instead-he just wants Sai to get better,as do lots of people here,always asking after him!)and strain it off and drink the liquid.Anyway,onwards and upwards and one day at a time and we'll get there.He has lost a bit of weight,12 stone so have to build him back up but he is eating more now.Maybe his wedding ring will fit now as he says it's been too tight and hasn't worn it for a while.It really is quite small,i'm surprised he's ben able to wear it all these years.When we came back from the States he was 15 stones!!! and he still wore it then,although his finger was white underneath!!!We'll have to get it made a bit bigger when he's home and feeling better...off to watch Grey's Anatomy,night..cross fingers he's on the up!!!E. x

Wednesday

2007-08-15T13:02:00.000+01:00

Afternoon Folks,
I took the boys into see Sai yesterday-he hadn't had any painkillers and had just had lunch.He wanted to wait until after his lunch before he took painkillers but was then in so much pain and got very upset.We didn't stay very long -the nurse gave him his painkillers and anti-biotic drip and he just had to sleep.It's very upsetting to see him like that.He seems to think it's best to not take painkillers but he has to until this pain is resolved.The doctors aren't sure where it's coming from but may be the liver.Once the chemotherapy kicks in it should subside-well that's what was said so i might just try and have a word with one of the team about that.The pain is so sore and we can only imagine what he's going through.

Today he'll get another lot of the anti-body'Cetuximab'.He won't be home this week by the looks of things.I think he'll have his 2nd lot of chemo next Wed and once he's over that and hopefully the pain will be gone,then he should be home maybe at the weekend.His bowels are also still all over the place.If he could just get the bowels and pain sorted then he feels he can handle the rest but it's very hard as i feel so helpless.I don't like the boy's seing him like this either,they aren't saying that much about it all.Michael isn't sleeping well and i thnk it's because he's missing his dad.I'm taking them to counselling next Mon evening.She's a child psychologist and does counselling voluntarily-it'll do them good to talk about this.Sai asked me to go in see him on my own today so i have to try get Ethan minded.Anyway,better go get organised.Have juiced some veg for Sai.I'll try make some nice soup tonight for him-hospital food isn't the best.Another day forward to Sai's recovery,
bye for now,E. x

New Week

2007-08-13T14:53:00.000+01:00

Hi Folks,
We went to see Sai yesterday and he looked so much better which was great to see.He has lost a bit of weight-he's down to 12 stones now-as long as his weight goes up the way now.He is eating but has had a bit of the runs from one of his drugs.It seems to be things are looking up at last and then it goes a step back again-just so frustrating! Today he has a bit of a temperature and is now on an antibiotic,so they need to keep an eye on that incase he has an infection.Yesterday the dr took his stomach drain out;he was given a local anaesthetic as the area is tender so i hope there's no infection from that.Can anything else happen here? No is the answer for that please!!!He doesn't want to leave hospital either until his bowels have settled down...one day at a time.......

My mum flies back to Glasgow tonight.She has been terrific as usual.I'll need a home help in to replace her!We're going to sell Sai's wee runaround VW for work as he won't be back at work for a good while now and we can put that towards our new car.

We'll see what tomorrow brings and when we'll be getting Sai back home...later.E

Saturday

2007-08-11T11:53:00.000+01:00

Morning Folks,
Sai was looking better again yesterday and today sounds way better on phone.He's had steroids to help his nausea but I think they can give you mood swings (must ask dr.) but anyway he's a lot comfier now and is eating again which is great.He still has the stomach drain in.I called the nurse's desk there and asked when that's coming out -bit worried as the dr said there's a risk of infection with that in and we really don't want that.

If anyone wants to visit Sai he's ok for visitors now-if you're passing Tallaght area pop in! He told me to take a day off today so me and my mum are blitzing the house and maybe take boys out for lunch-just in Enfield though,i've had enough driving for this month! Ethan's away with his friend Conner's family to see Transformers.

So it'll be every Wed to hospital for chemotherapy,two different ones and the anti-body drug every week-so every Wed and then Wed plus Fri alternately(has to have pump taken off on the Friday)-does that make sense?

Things seem a lot better now than during the week-it really wasn't good and is a hard thing to explain unless you are there.Better go as my mum is doing all the work on her own and if Sai is reading this when back home,sure the boys are helping!!

Later,E. x

Friday-a long week

2007-08-10T08:19:00.000+01:00

Morning Folks/Friends/Family,

Sai was looking that bit better yesterday but very very nauseous really hardly able to talk when like that and just has to be in his own kind of vacuum.Dr Walsh came around while i was there (she's covering for Ray McDermott as he's on holiday this week and is also a consultant)and said she wanted to take out the stomach drain as one's open to infection with that there but Sai said can we wait as he just felt so 'crap'.She said we'll see today but would be happier with it out.I asked her what if the fluid started to build up again and she said that they would put another drain in another site but there's a good chance that that won't happen as the fluid has really tailed off which is great.We were told originally that it could take 2-3 weeks for the chemo to start working on the fluid but I'm sure she knows what she's talking about.

I did text Sai there and he's feeling bit better again but has stomach pains after breakfast but I'm glad he's eating as he's hardly eaten a thing in past two days.I'll take him in some juiced veg.Well at least the chemotherapy is working away on the you know what-we'll get him well and over this-another huge hurdle but Sai has willpower as we know and we'll be right there beside him pushing him on.

Did you see the newspapers yesterday 'The Cancer Generation' was the title.Too much drinking,smoking,eating,sun-bathing....I suppose a lot of that is to do with a booming economy....The front doors at Tallaght Hospital are usually surrounded by people,most of them patients smoking away-a lot of them with huge bandages on or drips attatched or on crutches/wheelchairs!? I don't get that,how can they smoke when they're obviously not well? I know it's an addiction but is your health not more important?Someone wants to make a smoking area away from the doors,well away,it looks dreadful.

So Sai will be getting two inputs of chemotherapy every fortnight along with an antibody which is similar to the Avastin he had last time but it's a different type which he'll be getting every week -'Cytoplaxman'? that doesn't look right but it's similar to that.The other 2 are Irintocan (?) and 5FU which is the pump that he'll wear and have disconnected after 2 days.So 6 months of this and we'll get back on track to getting rid of this for good.

Jan thanks for your e mail-it really made me give myself a bit of a shake and get more focused on the situation :)

Sai still not up to visitors at the moment as you can probably guess-one day at a time-onwards and upwards! E. x

One Day At A Time

2007-08-09T08:19:00.000+01:00

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Masterseek

Morning,

Sai started chemotherapy yesterday and was very rough.So,it's in there starting to work and fight away.It will take 2-3 weeks for this liquid that's forming to stop.One day at a time is the way to handle this.He/we will get through this blip and will be healthy and fit again,as I said one day at atime for now.

I went over to The Square and bought us both a healthy veg juice drink.I didn't see much of him as he was down in Oncology Day Ward from 10 30am until 6pm.I popped in twice but you aren't allowed to stay especially when it's busy and it was.Sai just wanted left alone anyway which i totally understand at the moment as he feels so bad.As long as he knows i'm there for him.We'll see what today brings,still feeling yuk i assume as he hasn't texted or called me yet.I'll call the ward and ask how he's doing.When I called at 9pm last night he was comfortable which was great .He'll be in there for at least another week but not up to visitors at the minute.

Going to get ready now,might get a lift over to hospital today with a friend who's going over that way.Onwards and upwards-POSITIVE POSITIVE POSITIVE!!!
Elaine.

Monday

2007-08-07T00:19:00.000+01:00

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Hi,
Not really feeling like doing this blog but Sai asked me to so here I am.How is this fair ? That's what keeps going through my mind.Sai in hospital again;4 times in less than a year.He just keeps taking the punches and getting back up again,I'm really proud of him but at the moment I don't understand this world.We've just got to get through this horrid episode,the goalposts seem way off and a couple of weeks ago they were so close.

Ethan is sleeping here beside me,keeping Sai's side warm until he's back home with us.I'm focusing on the weekend away that we're going to have when Sai is able-it's been a long time coming but it will happen.

Sai was looking a bit better again today and had a couple of work colleuges dropped by to see him tonight,thanks C and B he perked up a bit instantly! No action concerning chemotherapy as Bank Holiday but hopefully tomorrow we'll have some kind of plan in place.I can't wait,it was the exactly the same last time just waiting for chemo seems like a lifetime and I can't sleep or rest easy until I know something is happening re getting Sai well again.Thank goodness my mum is here because it would be so hard to hold things together otherwise-she's a star,a bit wacky with it but a star none-the less.She made lovely cauliflower and cheese with the veg a friend dropped by-huge bag of organic veg,must call her in the morning to thank her (husband is organic farmer) I need to take Sai in some good food as a beef curry (allegedly!) turned up for hospital dinner tonight and looked seriously gross,so I phoned Papa Joe's Pizza (i know,really healthy!) and had it delivered to the hospital.Sai has to eat,nutrition is big factor here,but eating something is better than nothing.He has lots of supplements in there too and a nice smoothie in his wee fridge.

I just want my darling back home and on the road to recovery.Another long day ticked off,and the liquid being drained off didn't come out so quickly today which must be a good thing;usually it fills the bag very quickly when the clamp is taken off-the nurse drains off 1 and 1/2 litres every day-so that must mean it isn't producing so much.

Final note is there are a couple of folk I see here in Enfield quite often and this 'pity face' comes on (them) when they ask about Sai,well I just don't need that to be honest,maybe I need to say to them cos it's getting to me.....anyway,my eyes are dry now and the next day looms,nite.E.x

Sunday

2007-08-05T22:16:00.000+01:00

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Hi Folks,

Sai looking a good bit better today and we went for a wee stroll to the hospital shop.His temperature has stabalised by the looks of it too which is great.My mum minded the boys while i went to visit Sai for most of the day which is also great and a weight off my mind.Things feel a lot better now and i might even manage to get a good sleep tonight.Sai's gone off to sleep already and really needs to rest a lot.he ate better today too.I bought him a mini fridge to keep small things cool ie a nice juice (with wheatgrass in it) from Zumo.

We're just taking a day at a time and hopefully he'll be able for starting his next lot of chemo this coming week.I think i'll need to push a bit for him to get started on it as we were told he'd be started this week if there's a cancellation! It's a Bank Hol here too-but Sai says they know me well,they'll squeeze me in.They do and i hope they will or they'll be knowing me even better too!

Going to bed as tired out,nite.E.

Saturday

2007-08-04T09:35:00.000+01:00

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Hi,
I did an update on Thurday but it went onto Sai's Old Blog-sorry.
Sai still in hospital and the CT showed the liquid around his abdomen is being produced becuase of the enlarged liver.It must have been so painful for him but they put a drain in yesterday (Fri) and in under an hour 4 1/2 litres of the fluid was drained out,they then clamped the drain as it isn't good to let it all out as it can cause a shock to the system.They have said the fluid is cancerous.He is much comfier now but still in a bit of pain.Chemotherapy will start again next week and that will be every week for a while.

We were both very upset on Thurday with this setback.With what Sai has overcome in the last year -well,he's just done amazingly (my GP said this to me the other day too).It has spread but you know what the gloves are still on.I'm going to get as much good nutrition into him as i can-there's so much rubbish out there we all eat-the more colourful veg you eat the better it is for you and raw veg being the best.

So Sai will be in hospital until he has his first lot of chemo next week and then will come home.Once the chemo kicks in ,which will take about 2-3 weeks then the fluid will stop producing.We can't quite believe 2-3 weeks ago we they were dicussing surgery on the liver and now the goal posts have changed but Sai has the ability to surprise everyone and we have to stay focused on fighting this.

My mum is on her way over to give a bit of support which is great.Sai is now on the Lynn Ward,Rm 6 which is much better-nobody's tv's blaring and snoring so we're happy about that.Going to get organized now -say some prayers for him.E.

filling in....

2007-08-01T00:05:00.000+01:00

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Hey Folks,

Filling in for Sai as he's in hospital yet again.He had an appointment with the surgical team on Monday and they decided to admit him and find out what is causing him all this pain.He's been miserable for the last few weeks and been going through an awful time of it.He seem to feel a bit better and then didn't........this went on and on...one step forward and 2 steps back...so I'm happy they admitted him and we can get this sorted out.

His x-ray yesterday didn't show anything new;he'll get a (yet another!) CT tomorrow and if that shows nothing then perhaps a colonoscopy.I have to remind him of how far he has come with this already and i know it feels like back to square one with all this going on but it isn't.We just have to sort this blip out and then get back on track with treatment for his liver;easy to say I know.But that will happen and he will be just fine,it's just going to take a bit longer than we first thought.

I took the boys into visit him today.He's on a drip as he hasn't much appetite and will have to fast for the scan tomorrow anyway.He actually had a temperature yesterday but it's ok today.What am I going to do with him? He probably told you already we didn't get down to Wexford after all as he just wasn't up to it.I'm so jelous of everyone going away on holiday and sometimes just don't want to hear it.The boys could really do with a holiday ,I feel bad for them.

Anyway,we'll see what tomorrow brings..at least it's been sunny...yes,that big yellowy ball in the sky..remember??

Night. x

Better...

2007-07-29T19:15:00.000+01:00

Hi Folks,

The situation has improved slightly. Still having the bloating feeling but the others had subsided to allow me to relax and be comfortable for a change. I am feeling tired and drained all the time. Just like when I get a stomach bug or something to that extent. I think the bowels are clear and things are flowing again. I also suspect things are mending away in there as sometimes I get sharp pains in the same spots along the colon. Anyway hopefully tomorrow will shed some more light on the situation when I go and see my surgical team for some advise.

Its a funny thing been terminal ill. As that is what I am. I don't not have a definite cure for my condition and the odds are 1 in 10 of surviving pass 5 years. It on the tip of many people tongues but nobody has the courage to say it in front of me. I know there is no cure for what I have and I am sure as hell I will not be giving up in any time at all. I will fight this till the end. I will try everything that can be tried before I give up. I have too much to lose if I did not. So please every one don't handle my situation if I am very fragile. At the moment I am down about my bowel condition that is all. I am not down with how long I am going to live...

I have just finished the New Harry Potter book and it is a bit wishy washy in the middle and the ending was not what I had expected. Despite it faults a good read I must admit...

Nothing to add,

Later,

Sai

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Blundering on...

2007-07-28T15:10:00.000+01:00

Hi Folks,

Sorry for not posting yesterday. I was not feeling well and was bloated and very uncomfortable walking and sleeping. I hardly slept last two night and only managed to grab 2-3 hours of sleep. Today I was feeling worse and contemplated heading off to hospital to try and sort this out. Anyway I manage to move some during the night and then felt slightly better then later on in the day Elaine took the kids off to Liffey Valley to see a film and to give me some peace and quiet.

She brought me back a pizza to eat. We shared that and not long after that. I felt the bits of pizza moving inside me. Not very pleasant and very painful. Luckily I took some pain killers not long before they came back home. If it wasn't for that I think I would had been in the car heading to Tallaght. Anyway every cloud has a silver lining and this actually moved my system about and most of what was stuck in me came out. What a relief. I felt drained after that and crawled back to my bed and sleep for 2-3 hours. I had to insert ear plugs in as the kids were making a racket downstairs. Can't blame them anyway they are kids. These ear plugs are a god send as I actually slept. It was the most peaceful sleep I had for a long time.

What a simple thing like eating and drinking can turned out to be the most complicated thing for me at present. The experiences of the past few days would had given my diet of soups and smoothies a kick in the butt. As it didn't work as well as I would had thought. I think I need a mixture of soft and hard foods. The pizza was chewed very thoroughly and it still hurt as it travelled through me. So I think I would introduce some pasta or bread into the equation just to try and see what works.

Gos I really felt very low yesterday and today with this darn problem. I had been taking all the drugs the doctors prescribed me and they still did not help. Yesterday was meant to be the last night I should had taken them. I took some this morning trying to move the stuff stuck inside me. I am not really sure what to do as I am in a blind alley at the moment and blundering about trying to find a way out....

Later,

Sai

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Wind...

2007-07-26T17:36:00.000+01:00

Hi Folks,

My Bowel situation is getting better but last night it took me a long time to settle before I could fall asleep. All to due with to much wind. This situation is reminding of the days before I was diagnosed. So I am not taking any chances and I am going to see the surgical team next week for a check up. Just in case some under mining thing is brewing up.

A member of my area Palliative care team came to visit me today. She said that I should had been on their books from when I was diagnosed. She mentioned that she had spoken to my GP and he had told her that he wrote a referral for me last year. She said that she could find any records of the referral. So now I am now on their books and she mentioned that I am entitled to a lot of services that will help my family and me to cope with my illness. Just to think we could had done with this help from the beginning and not groping in the dark...it is a lesson well learnt.

Our Harry Potter books finally arrived today. On Play.com when I checked last week they had been posted on the 13th and 16th of July. So I thought great they will come close to the launch date. When they did not I check again yesterday, the posted date had changed to the 20th and 21st of July. I was going to write a snooty email to them but I was too tired last night. Luckily I did not. Jordan was ecstatic when they arrived as he had been reading the other books for a while now.

I am now eating again which is good as I have lost 4 pounds the last two weeks. As long as I eat small regularly meals I should be okay.

Mopsy have arrived. Elaine Mum sent a companion in the post for Flopsy. She is a battery operated loop ear rabbit just like Flopsy. I might get the kids to take some vidz and photos. They also need to update her bebo web page as well. It will give them something to do.

Later,

Sai

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Good..no more pains...

2007-07-25T17:15:00.000+01:00

Hi Folks,

After a restless night sleep I am feeling much better today. My mid-drift is almost pain free and I feel great. Just that little relief is a blessing. I still feel a bit tired so I would not bee long here as I am going for a nap in a while. Elaine is out doing a shopping with Ethan and the two lads are "tidying" up...Jordan is doing a great job of cleaning the fridge and Michael was meant to help but got bored and went to watch TV again. So I asked him to tidy and hoover out the play room.

It was a glorious morning today but then the heavens opened up again. It looks like a breezy Autumn day out there except the leaves are still green.

Well I might update later,

Sai

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Bowel getting sorted at least

2007-07-24T19:19:00.001+01:00

Hi Folks,

Been to see my oncologist today. He did not know about the results from my MRI scan and I had to tell him about it. So no treatment plan has been finalized yet. We did discuss two type of treatments. There is a non-toxic route that will halt the cancer from spreading and growing in my liver and there is a toxic route that have "good results". I also quizzed him on vaccines and alternative treatments but he advised against these until I had exhausted all other options. I am bending towards the non-toxic route and hopefully with good dietary and other supplements I can get rid of the cancer myself. As there are a lot of "other" alternatives out there and most of them states that they aid the conventional treatments and does not totally replace them. As for my bowel problems he sent me for an x-ray to check for blockages luckily there were none. So I am on a course of laxatives to help moves things along...

Later,

Sai

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C-Day...

2007-07-24T11:12:00.000+01:00

Morning folks,

Just getting ready to head out to the hospital to see my oncologist. I forgot we moved my appointment forward as we have to cancel our trip to Wexford due to my problems with my digestive system. I rang my doctor today to see if I can get a prescription for Fortijuice which is a clear food supplement and he said that I should go in to see my surgical team to see what is exactly my problem is. So I rang the coordinator and spoke with her and took her what had been happening and she said that it is a known problem and as the chemo wears off people have either what I have or the opposite. Well I had both the past two weeks. I also mentioned to her that I had some antibiotics last week for my wound and since then I been having these pains. She said that I may have a gastrolitis problem and I could get something to control that. Well I can't imagine all these complications happening at the same time but it must be as I feel wrecked with it all. I managed some potato and leek soup last night but even that give me pains during the night...I think I really need to give my system a couple days of rest and I might feel fine after that. We see what the doctors say today...

Elaine give me a wonderful back massage this morning and I felt nice and relax after that. I also change out the dressing on my wound it has all closed over and is healing nicely now. So I am hoping that they put me back on the Avastin again as it is the only thing I know that can halt the tumors from growing and spreading. I am also very curious on what else they would put me on. I want a treatment plan that will help me improve my immune system to kill off the cancer cells and not something that will suppress it. We just have to wait and see...

Well it getting close to get going and we have to go and chase the lads to get ready...

Later,

Sai

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Good Day Today...

2007-07-23T18:19:00.001+01:00

Hi Folks,

The pains in my mid drift are almost gone today. I can now stand straight without feeling any pain. Before I was walking about like an old man all hunched over. I am still off solids and hardly ate anything at all today apart from a cup of soup this morning. I can feel the hunger pangs but a glass of water or juice get rid of that very easily. I give my system another 24 hours of rest before I start back on some solid foods. I had made some broth to try out so hopefully it will be nice and mushy for me to eat tomorrow.

What profound thoughts do I have today? I had been thinking of work and when I can go back to it. It is almost a year now since I stopped working and the week after I stopped working I had my stoma. What a life saver and dread those thought gives me. The days that I felt really down was due to that stoma and bag. Especially when it prolapse and started to stick out more. I still think how lucky I was to have to go back to hospital with an infection and have one of these clear post-surgical stoma bag on for the doctors to see the prolapse. If I didn't I would still have the stoma and bag now. It usually takes up to 3 months before they perform the reversal. The wound is almost healed up now and there is a mighty scar there now. It is also not flat. It has a bit sticking up and a bit that is concave. Funny how that turned out.

Elaine have some slight bruising under her left eye but not much. It looks as if she has a large baggy eye there. The pain is also gone. She was out with friends for lunch today and Jordan made lunch today. They had some mac and cheese but it came from a tin so it was only a matter of heating it up and eating it...one day he will have to do a proper cooking...at the moment it is almost exclusively hand to mouth type cooking. They eat what is close at hand and when there is nothing made up or prepared they go and buy some from the shops...kids have it so easy nowadays. So heating something up today is a step in the right direction ;-)

Later,

Sai

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No change...

2007-07-22T20:25:00.000+01:00

Hi Folks,

I am going on a liquid diet from today to try and help improve my digestive system. Soup and liquids is all I will be taking so anyone out there have any good recipes for wholesome veggie soup please pass them on.

I think my problems started with those antibiotics a week back. They had clear my system out of all bacteria good and bad, which mean the food is now just sitting there for my digestive system to cope with by itself. Which under the present state is not coping too well. This short bowel syndrome is not good...

Is this is summer I wonder what will the winter bring. I have been feeling the cold all day today and my feet are like two blocks of ice. I had decided to stay in my bed to keep warm today. I even set up the laptop to surf and keep me amused. Elaine and the boys are taking good care of me and I couldn't do without them. I even had to put on the heating in the morning and at night just to warm up the house.

Elaine took the boys swimming today, well Jordan and Ethan, Michael tagged along and was in a cream puff because he was not allow to play games again. More on that later...anyway on the way home Elaine dropped into Gala to pick up some stuff and when she got back to the car, the car door swung out and hit her on her nose. She was in a lot of pain over it and I give her a couple of pain killers to help with the pain. Such luck eh !!! She says if it comes out as a bruise people would think that I had hit her...I said I don't care about that as long as she is okay...

Now back to Michael, He was banned from games the past two days as he lied to his mum about the time he had been on and also for going over his limit on many occasions. Yesterday he brought up the subject of his punishment during dinner and I said to him that I am fed up with his attitude towards his gaming habits and also because he does nothing else apart from that and TV. He does not call on his friends or go out for walks or do anything to amuse himself except annoy his brothers. So I said to him to make up his own punishment and let us know about it. Then today he decided to go and play games again. So I asked him what was his punishment and he said it was the two days that he was banned from games. Then I reminded him that during the two days in question he was caught playing games anyway so where was the punishment. I said to him he would not be allowed to play games until he become more sensible about it. Hence his cream puff. When Elaine ask the boys to go swimming he did his usual I don't want to do anything attitude but I made him go into the car anyway. When he came back from his trip he was in much better mood...kids...

I had a chat with Jordan today about me and my concerns. I said to him that he have to start maturing a bit more faster as he need to support Elaine when I am not here. I feel that he has the right to know what could happen and to plan for it rather than groping in the dark when it comes around. I also had chatted to Elaine about it and she keeps saying not to think about it and said I would be cured. But I am only planning for all occasion not just the better and cured me but the weak and dying me as well. Until I am on chemo and have more data to say that I am being cured then I have to plan for all outcomes. As I said before I am not bitter or angry about my illness but shite happens and I have to live with it and move on. Dwelling on dreams can also be catastrophic when shite does falls too.

Ending with shite my system is now cleared again and I feel less bloated than before. The only annoying thing is that I can feel pain when the lump used to be. It gets worse during the night and especially when I relax my muscles there. the pain had woken me up on several occasions during the past week. I just hope it will get better before I start on chemo again.

I had bought some Natural Cellular Zeolite to try out. I had read a lot about this and I am doing to add this to my arsenal of alternative therapies. The seller had kindly email me offering advise as he said his wife and 50 others are taking this to aid their recovery as well. Well I see that there is nothing to lose from it...

Later,

Sai

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Yesterday was a BAD day...

2007-07-21T15:32:00.000+01:00

Hi Folks,

Apologies for not posting yesterday as I was not feeling well. Again my bowel was the cause of my discomfort and pain. I never felt so drained or weak since the chemo days. I had asked Elaine to pick some Lucozade up for me and after a while I felt a little better. I also felt very cold during the day and I stayed in bed just to keep warm. I never did recover to do much yesterday.

I feel a lot better today but still a bit off. I am eating again, which is a good sign. My bowel is not as sore as yesterday but they are still not right. I am not sure what is going on there but I am hoping to control it with what I eat. Talking about bowels there a bit on the BBC news about George Bush. No need to say any more.

I know the last few weeks had been a turmoil for me. Especially with the news of the liver and having to go back to chemo. It also have a impact on how much I value been alive at the minute. I am not bitter that my life may have been shorten dramatically but I have lived a good life and I have no regrets. I will continue to battle on regardless of the outcome and go on living. Just wish my bowels would settle down and it would make the whole living thing a bit more present. What else can I do???

Anyway no need to feel down about it all. I was not down about the liver business I was just knocked out by my bowel situation. Elaine thought I was down about the liver until I reassure her that it was not. Talking about the liver I was told by the specialist that the liver has a rough hide like skin covering it and this has pain receptors. Which kinda explain why I am having sharp pains on my left side as one of the lumps are close to the surface of my liver.

On a lighter note. Flopsy is maturing very well and her fur is getting darker. She is more like a dog than a rabbit and loves to be in the house especially on the couch in the playroom. She manages to jump onto it on several occasions. I have to put some pictures and vidz up to let you all see her. We will have to take her to the vet soon to have her nails clipped as they are getting long.

Well better go and see what the rest of the family are up too...

Later,

Sai

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Masterseek

Good but tiresome day.

2007-07-19T22:15:00.000+01:00

Hi Folks,

Someone had asked what will be the next stage for me. At present all I know is that any operations are out of the question now. Either as a transplant or to remove the tumours. Alternatives are been explored but they don't usually work by themselves and require conventional therapies. So I have to wait till the 3rd of August before I find out what therapies I will be on. Until then I have to be patient.

On the bowel front I went to see the doctor today and he prescribed be some medications and they sure did work. It the first time I felt better in a week. But it sure knocked me out for six. Hey it was better than before and I feel much better. I still need to watch what I am eating to better control my diet. I have made a list of what is good and bad for me. I had made this before when I had a stoma bag but it now has to be rewritten for my "short bowel syndrome". I have noticed I had lost a few pounds during the past two weeks. Well that is one way of losing weight but it is not a present one.

One the lighter side we are getting used to having our car back...

Nite all,

Sai

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Masterseek

Well...

2007-07-19T00:12:00.001+01:00

Hi Folks,

Just to cut the story short. The liver surgeon had advised us that surgery is not an option at this time as the distribution of the tumors are too wide spread in my liver. He said that he could not guarantee that he can remove all when he operates. So he had advise me that I should consult with my oncologist to go back onto chemo. Which I am not looking forward to at all. But its the lesser of two evils I think. I was not looking forward to surgery either.

On the brighter side we finally have our car back and we even went over to Navan to have the CD player fitted. This is the first time the car is complete. They had given us a 6 CD changer that plays MP3s as well....We also had the spare key fobs programed as well...

Another good thing is that my bowels are getting better. I am thinking of popping over to the health center to see the doctor just in case. Thinking back I think it was the antibiotics that is causing this round of troubles. Just to be sure... I better get myself checked out. It doesn't cause me anyway...

During Ethan prep for bed he asked me to lay beside him so I did. He was very chatty and said the sweetest thing to me tonight. He said that his favorite song at the moment is "How To Save A Life" by the Frays and he said that it was meant for me...sometime he surprise me. He also said that when I was resting today he popped in and give me a kiss while I was sleeping. I didn't even wake up when he did that....I was really tired today as I did not sleep well last night...

Talk about sleep I better go...

Nite All,

Sai

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Masterseek

Nothing to lose...

2007-07-18T04:34:00.000+01:00

Hi Folks,

I'm trying out my online marketing at present...see the adverts above. Well I was not prepare to receive the emails from them every day...anyway one of them got my eye and it Play.com selling the New Harry Potter book for £9.99 including delivery... They are also having a massive 80% off deal...so treat yourself to a bargain or two.

Later,

Sai

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Masterseek

Missed another day !!!

2007-07-17T15:31:00.000+01:00

Hi Folks,

Again nothing was worth reporting yesterday. The heavens seem to be angry again today. Lightening and thunder and more rain today. When will this weather ever going to let up??? It seem that the whole of last year had been one miserable one. Same as what been happening here too...

Anyway I was feeling a bit iffy yesterday and spent most of the day in bed. We did go and get my MRI scan and I am due to go to the public clinic again tomorrow for a followup. It seem that this had happen so soon but before we left the hospital yesterday I paged the surgeon coordinator and told her that I had been for a scan and when I could see the surgeon. She only promised to chase that up and left it at that. Well I am glad that I did as I would be waiting ages for another appointment. When we got home we received a letter for an MRI scan scheduled for the 31st of July...what gives I just been for one...we sort it out tomorrow.

I am feeling a bit chilly today and my bowels are still giving me grief. They said it takes time to settle and that was with a high meat and fat diet. Now I had changed my diet to no meat and lots of veg. I think it is taking longer to settle than it meant to be. We have another week to go and then I will introduce some meat back to my diet again. In the meantime I bought some quorn to supplement my diet. I am hoping this will improve my bowels situation.

We are still going though the junk in Jordan's room. It has taken a while as the wee room was not empty and I kept trying to persuade him to empty it. But does he listen...being a teen he has selective deafness and temporary memory lost...same with Michael...he's twice as worse...anyway no need to go into it here...just say they are improving...

Well my appetite is back again after a null during the weekend. I think I had one meal a day during it. It was too much bother to cook for one so I just did it when I was hungry and the rest of the family were too fuzzy on what I made so I did not bother cooking for them...

Right I have to get back to do some stuff...

Later,

Sai

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Masterseek

Missed a day...

2007-07-15T14:33:00.000+01:00

Hi Folks,

There was nothing to write about yesterday. Woke up had something to eat then at the end went back to bed again. Elaine to the lads out to see Harry Potter in the IMC in Mulligar. I decided to stay at home as my tummy was still a bit iffy. They enjoyed the movie and the treats Ethan said it was one of his best time in his life.

Today the sun is out again. which is good as we all need a injection of sunshine to cheer ourselves up. I made fried rice for lunch with a side order of stir fried veg in sweet tangy sauce. Elaine,Michael and I like it. The Anti-veg duo decided not to by the look of it...Jordan did try some but he missed the sauce with make it much nicer...

I took some mottilium last night and my stomach has settle down a bit. My sleep pattern seem to be all over the shot again. I seem to get by with a couple of hours sleep and then I am awake for ages before I can sleep again. I think there is too much on my mind at the present to empty it fully for me to sleep. We wait till tomorrow and see then...

Right now I am feeling a bit tired and might lay down for a while...

Later,

Sai

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Masterseek

2007-07-13T18:49:00.000+01:00

Hi Folks,

Well we had past the year mark on my illness without any fanfare or celebrations. I am just glad to be still alive. Working to the Monday appointment to check out my liver and subsequent appointment with the surgeon. It will be a worrisome time for us here.

I am scared stiff of the pain in my mid section might amount to the lumps growing and spreading and hopefully Monday will put this fear to rest. I am keeping this under wraps and had not mention anything to Elaine and the kids. It may be nothing so if it is, it is not worth them worrying about it. Just three more days to before I find out...

I am sweating a lot these days and I find it very annoying. I am not sure what is causing this, but I am certain it is one of the side effects of the Chemo...I had mentioned this to the doctors and they seem not too concerned with it.

We all seem to be depressed slightly here. It may be the dull weather that is causing this. Elaine is fed up with it and the kids have no motivation to do anything. I am too tired to force any sense into them and just let them be. We find some time to step up a gear later...

Well it is dinner time so time to go...

Later,

Sai

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Masterseek

So Far So Good...

2007-07-12T22:44:00.000+01:00

Evening Folks,

Two Posts in one day...you are ever so lucky :-)

Today has been a long while since I felt so normal. My energy is okay and I stayed awake all day. Which is a wonder upon itself. I had been catching up on what the wibbly wobbly web have to offer and this had kept my interest in it for most of the day. My bowels had settle down a bit as I hardly eat today. Just some noodles and some grapes. So they will be fine now I hope. I still feel a bit bloated but nothing has come out.

I remember so much more of how it used to be and look forward to been back to normal again. Just a bit more patience I think. A little bit at a time. Just hoping the weather would improve now. I want to take the kids out fishing and live a bit. They want to see the new Harry Potter movie tomorrow. So we see how I feel tomorrow. If I'm the same as today we might take a drive to the IMC in Mullingar to see the movie. Otherwise it will be another day in...

Well I off to bed so sweet dreams to yea all...

Nite,

Sai
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Masterseek

Wound is okay..phew..!!!

2007-07-12T17:35:00.000+01:00

Hi Folks,

The nurse came today to change out the dressing on my wound and to inspect it. She was very please with what she saw and applied a new type of dressing on it. This is to help the promote skin growth. We will have to wait till tomorrow to see if my swab from last week turns out to be anything nasty.

I now have an appointment to have a MRI scan on my liver. The St Vincent MRI department called today and arranged for one next Monday. This results of this scan will put to rest a lot of questions that is floating about.

Pain wise I am taking the tramdol twice a day now. The pain is mostly around my mid section and it seem to be steady and not getting worse or any better. Sleep wise I am catching up with sleep when ever my body needs it. I would doze off for 1 or 2 hours at a time then be awake the rest of the time. My gut is what is causing me the most grief. It has settle down a bit. I can feel the stools passing the two joins. Especially where the lump used to be. This can be very discomforting as it brings back some very bad memories.

It is now almost a year since I went to see our GP about my illness. Just to think I was only constipated back then and now to see exactly what my ignorance had brought upon myself and my family. I just wish now I went to see him sooner and I would had nip this in the bud much quicker. All in hindsight and in my new way of thinking its in the past and time to let go and move on. It is also a bit worrying that it is almost 5 months since my last chemo and there is always a nagging thought in the back of my mind that these lumps in my liver might be growing. I hope the scan on Monday will put that to rest and to ease my mind. There a a lot of doubts floating about and the less I think of them the better but sometimes I do have to let them surface so that I can address them.

Jordan have taken the job of clearing out his cubby hole whole heartily now. He had discovered his soft toys and his beloved PS1. The old grey brick...sadly it is not working and it is not worth fixing it. Just imagine the old memories that had brought about. I think we bought that for him when he was 5 and he specifically had ask for it. We also uncovered a couple of boxes of photos so I think Elaine would be shifting thought these as well. If there are any good ones I scan these in and post them here....

Later,

Sai

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Masterseek

Nothing much happening...

2007-07-11T22:31:00.000+01:00

Hi Folks,

Everything is going so slow these days including myself. The hospital has been in touch. The specialist is sending me for another MRI scan as he is still not sure if he can operate. He said that the tumors are too wide spread in my liver and he requires more data before he operates. So that is the next steps for that. In the meantime I am still combating a sore gut and my mid section is now giving me grief. I ate very little today hoping to clear my gut out. I am noticing that I am getting a build up of gas as well so I am drinking some peppermint tea to help with that.

I had changed out my dressing on my wound yesterday and again there was some green gunk on it. Nothing much I can do as I did not agree with the antibiotics they give me. I am hoping it will come to nothing or my body will fight the infection itself. I think that is what it is doing as I feel I have a cold or the flu at the moment but without the symptoms. Just hot and sweaty sometimes. I am very tired too.

I got Jordan started in the elves project. Half the job 2 strikes again and he started and now there is a pile of stuff on his bed...well he have to clear it up to sleep on it...I only asked him to clear out the room in his room...boy when does that lad gets things done properly. he decided to stop half way. He fell off a tree and banged his chest last night. I told him to think before he acts and does he listen..he thought it was a good idea to stand on a branch and jump about like a monkey. Well monkeys do fall...at least he never came crying to his mum...enough of that.

Tomorrow I have the nurse come to inspect my wound. Maybe it will be much better tomorrow. Apart from that I really need to get this house in order.

Later,

Sai

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Masterseek

Where has the day gone ???

2007-07-10T22:06:00.000+01:00

Evening Folks,

The days have become all hazy lately. Not sure where the day went and also I did not accomplish much today. I talked about the elves yesterday that has still to start as the lads were not too keen in helping and today I had to go for a port flush in Tallaght. So that took a few hours of the day.

I went to sleep early last night and woke up when Elaine came to bed. Then I listened to my iPod for wee while and felt myself drifting off to sleep again. I finally got up at 9'ish and then I went and got ready to head out to Tallaght. I almost forgot about this and I had to phone just to make sure. On way home I felt very tired and nodded off in the car. Then I went straight to bed after I got home. I had a snooze and the rest of the time I was comfy and warm. It seem to be getting a habit these days again and I do need to stop it as nothing gets done...

My bowels are still giving me hassle and its does not seem to be ending soon. So I think I will fast tomorrow to try and make space. The site were the lump was is also slightly painful today. I had ask the nurse about this and she said it may just be the healing process...

Well apart from all this I am doing okay I guess. Tomorrow I will sort out the elves...

Nite All,

Sai

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Masterseek

Global Warming...

2007-07-09T12:42:00.001+01:00

Lo Folks,

Another wet day outside. Had to imagine is this the prelude to the forecast that the spin doctors had warned us about. The effects of our lack of care to our environment because we are too lazy to care. People still leaves electrical appliances on standby or don't bother to switch them off. Even in our household I am told I am a lot of hot air...

I am feeling a lot better today. I finally succumb to my drug habit and took a couple of pain killers. They took away the pains in my body and I am able to get up and go. I am taking it easy. I am just tidying up the office a bit and I am not straining myself. Elaine is tidying up the kitchen cupboards and she has an apron on and wow she looks good in it too. :-)

Right i off to earn some brownie points...

Later,

Sai

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Masterseek

Better Today

2007-07-08T21:16:00.000+01:00

Hi Folks,

After a restless night I finally got up around 3pm. Elaine was so kind and brought me breakfast and tea during the day. I had been resting and keeping warm in bed. The abdominal pains had resided a bit but it is still there. I sometimes find it hard to walk straight and have to walk a little bit hunched. Hopefully I will return to normal tomorrow. I went for a shower and then after I changed out my dressing on my wound with the help of Elaine. It looks a lot better today. I aired it a bit and it started to ooze. It was like a blister type of ooze. This is still giving me a bit of grief at present and it is raw. To say I am suffering a bit is an understatement here. Hey I'm still alive and coping...which is good???

I even made dinner tonight which help me a bit to focus on something other than my discomforts. I found it the more I moved about the more I felt good. So I am moving...slowly but surely to what end I don't know...

I had decided to check out Confucian again and found a few more resources to ponder upon. Here is a good forum to look. It expores other religions and beliefs. The past week had raised some questions for me for my spiritual side. As people would know me I can be describe as a practising atheist as I do not follow any of the religions or beliefs. So the past week has been an eye opener for me. Still I am not totally 100% with it. So I am making my mind up. I see my mum and dad involve in the society and they are happy. But are they doing it for the correct reasons. They both worked hard all their lives and are still doing working hard. Both had been through better times but due to bad judgement had ended up struggling in their latter years. The society doctrine has given them a relief valve to their questions of "why" and made the suffering more bearable and give them a sense that they are not alone. Everyone suffers in one life time or another. Devoting time to this is one way of making up for things I think and the outright kindness that the society gives is so nice and there are no prejudice at all. They to me are helping everyone that wanders through their doors. As you can see it does make me wonder and ask is there more...

Hey it has been a few heavy post lately and I am moaning most of the time. Well I think it is about time I start to get my family out of the rut and get this house into shape. The main bain at the moment is the en suite and the "study". The study is an issue that keeps coming up time and time again. I have my "gear" in it and I don't have any where to put the stuff. To put this right I have to address the elves in the boys room. Which is a major dumping ground at the moment. I had put them right at the start 3 years ago and as human nature has it is has ended up in a very bad state. So I think I start at the top and move down...I am not sure if the boys agree or not but it needs to be address. I rather do it while I still have my health and wits rather than when I'm too ill to do so.

Well time to enlighten a bit more...

Later,

Sai

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Masterseek

How the heck should I know !!!

2007-07-07T17:05:00.000+01:00

Lo Folks,

It has been one of these lost days today. My digestive system is giving me the work over at present. Today I am constantly tired and weak. I am not sure what is causing this. It maybe I over did it during the early part of the week or the suspect infection in my wound or the antibiotics I am taking or the vegetarian diet I am having or a combination of the after mentioned causes or it could be just in my mind. Ok the last one is just for laughs...:-)

Don't get me wrong I am in a bit of discomfort and the ring of fire is back. I am addressing these issues as best as I could. I had started drinking more water and also smoothies. I am trying not to eat as much as it just comes back out. Just enough to keep the hunger at bay. I am also laying low and try not to move as much. So my ipod is in use a lot. Not sure what else I can do but I try my best. I was thinking of jumping on a trampoline to shift my guts about but I thought better of that idea and postpone it till I feel a lot better. The reason for this crazy idea is that the sites where my bowel are joined from the operations are giving me jabbing pains now and again. I thought if I moved these to a different location it might stop that.

I am also mediating a bit more as it relax my mind and helps me to drift off. The Confucian method is to almost close the eyes during mediation but I am too used to have them closed completely. So no matter what method I use, I drift off some how anyway...I think I have a warm bath tonight to see if that helps too.

During the nights sleep, I had noticed that I always wake up around 3:30am and sometimes my upper body is sweaty. This used to happen now and again but it is happening more regularly now. I mentioned that to the doctor and she said that it maybe my body reaction to a infection.

Well time to see what's for dinner...

Later,

Bloggerwave

Masterseek

Moan and Groan !!!

2007-07-06T20:14:00.000+01:00

Lo Folks,

Everyone is moanig about the weather. Why just live with it? There will be days when the sunny weather will appear. Myself I like the rain. As long as it is not cold I am happy.

Well my wound is still a worry for me. I have decided to change out the dressing daily now. It is constantly oozing gunk. I am on the antibiotics and hopefully this will aid the healing. Another thing that is giving me grief are by bowels. I am in a bit of a bother with them as I am experiencing some pains during the night. I had to take a dose of laxatives at 3am this morning to help to relief the pain. It did after a few hours. I had decided not to take any pain killers as I am hoping to build up my own pain barrier to cope. To think these pain are major is not the way to go as the second phase on my liver will be much more than it ever had been before. Anyway not to dwell on the negatives...

Today we went to watch Ethan at his Gaelic Football Camp early on before we went to see our solicitor. They were not doing much but we can see that Ethan was having a good time. Then onward to see the solicitor. There our mind were put at rest and he is willing to take on our case. He said to us not to worry and if we did not win our case then we will owe him nothing. So it is in his hands now. The next part is to get our car back on the road. So hopefully it will be ready by next Friday. In the meantime we will have to make do with my wee Golf or as the kids put it the "Banger".

Just to end and to generate some cash...SVP are having 99p special delivery weekend the codes are svpjuly99p for UK and for the reat of the EU svpjuly99peu. Play.com, M&S , and others are having summer sales at the moment. Please check the delivery options before ordering as some do not delivery to the Republic Of Ireland. Go on...just click...

Later,

Sai

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Masterseek

Another Wet day...:-(

2007-07-05T19:48:00.000+01:00

Hi Folks,

There is not a lot to write about today. The car hire company took away our car today and the "phone" call from the insurance company was never materialised. So we are now again without a safe car to travel as a family in. We had scheduled an appointment with a lawyer tomorrow. So we shall see from there.

The nurse came to check my dressing today. From what she saw, she advised me to seek medical advice and have some antibiotics prescribe to me. There were green slough on the dressing from the recent crater. This did not look right to her either. So off we went to our doctors and she inspected the wound and followed the nurse advice. They also too a swab for testing. I hope nothing serious shows up.

Apart from all these set backs I am still keeping a positive mind and am not dwelling on these negatives. I am happy that we have our health and a roof to keep the rain off.

Later,

Sai

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Masterseek

Home at Last...

2007-07-04T19:47:00.000+01:00

Evening Folks,

Finally made it home today. It was so nice to see Elaine and the kids again. We went shopping for food as there was not much on the vegetarian side of things in the house. Bless my mum for helping me out the past few days. She had to help out at the society and go to work at night. I think she only managed 10 hours sleep in total the past few days.

Anyway It is nice to be back at home. I had been thinking a lot about what is in store for me. I am in a frame of mind that I don't care of whatever happens to me as long as my family are happy and look after. What ever is meant to be will be. I had said my goodbyes and I now need to concentrate on making me better. One thing I definitely is not to bury my head in the sand.

One major headache still on the agenda is our car. It is still not back and I am now seeking legal advice to get compensation for our suffering. I only decided to purchase the car so that Elaine can be happy in it while she is driving to visit me in hospital. Now this dream is shattered and we have the burden of a damaged car and the stress of are we allow to keep the hire car our not. This is due back tomorrow. Whatever the outcome I am seeking legal advice and going down the compensation route. As I had enough and someone else can shoulder the blame from now on. It wasn't our fault that an ambulance hit into the back of the car. Also it was not our fault that Mazda does not have the correct parts in Europe. Yet we are suffering the consequences of other people mistakes. Also it is not good for me worrying about this either...

Well I off for a relaxing bath and then its curtains for me..

Nite All,

Sai

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Masterseek

Enlighted...Maybe !!!

2007-07-03T22:29:00.000+01:00

Hi Folks,

It has been another busy day today. We were at the Confucian Society since 7:30am. Today we covered the benefits of becoming vegetarian and the spiritual side of that. It was interesting to listen to the talk. Then we moved on to how the five main "religions" have in common, Islamic,Christianity,Buddhist,Taoist and Confucian. They all have the same common teachings and again it was interesting. Then finally we had a session on the 6 vows that we can make to help ourselves on the correct path to heaven We also covered many aspect of the movement and it is too much to explain here. As we are beginnings we only can make two of the six. One is to past on the word of the Doa (blessing) and the other is to do good deeds.

Nearing the end of the day. I was approached by the master and was ask if I like to participate in a sacred tea ceremony. She knew about my condition and she said that make a vow and drink the tea sincerely. I can have a wish to help me get better. When I heard that I was very emotional with this kind offer. The tea are from five cups from the altar and the ritual of the ceremony was also very moving. My mum, the master and another women had to do a kneeling bow (cultivating) 300 times before the altar. I was nearly overwhelm with emotion when this happened. They are so very kind. There is a lot to learn about this movement. The vow I was asked to make was to not eat anything that had been alive. Fish, seafood, any form of meat for a month.

While I am here if you take the word MEAT and take the two words that you can make form it it is EAT ME...Also the way the Chinese character are two symbols for people on top on one another around a box...people eat people...this is all to do with the spiritual side of vegetarian side of the movement. As people that had not been enlightened can be reincarnated as living animals and marine life. So basically we may be eating our dead gran parents or ancestors. Also the souls of these dead creatures will want penance for eating them and they will follow the meat eater for the rest of their life...I think I interpret that okay...

After this we all for a meal. There we met up with my sister family and my sister-in-law and her family. I kept of the meat stuff and they look so good as well.

I am looking forward to travelling back to Ireland tomorrow. I miss Elaine and the boys a lot.

Nite all,

Sai

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Masterseek