Hello Folks,
I did say last Saturday would probably be last blog post but I feel it would be nice to do this.Sai got me into updating his blog and I am missing doing it now,probably because it's so final now.
I don't really know how I managed to get through Tuesday with out breaking down but I did.I talked to our GP about that and he said it will probably hit me in about a months time (hence the Months Mind thing that is done here) I did feel Sai giving me strength.It was all a bit surreal.When the car turned into the driveway at Mount Jerome and I saw all the pupils (well,'angel's Sai's cousin said and that is very apt) lining up in a Guard of Honour it took my breath away-and then to hear Amazing Grace on the bagpipes,well.......just beautiful.We have Sai's friend Billy to thank for that.I put the window down so we could all hear it clearly.We had a Chinese piper at our wedding,Tony Ho is his name,so to have a piper on Tuesday was so perfect.
I hope Sai approved of the service but as I said he doesn't like a fuss or the limelight-forgive me Sai but you needed a fuss made as you can see from everyone that turned out to say farewell to you.'All Things Bright and Beautiful' we had at our wedding so it felt fitting to sing that and the songs I chose all had a relevance.I didn't want it to be too sombre a day and to be more celebrating Sai's life-and I think that was what happened.Sai was straight about things-no tangents or sidestepping the issue as I can tend to do but in saying that I have learned a lot from him over the years (and hopefully vice versa).He's there telling me to get on with things-so I am trying and I'm sure he will keep me on track,well Sai and all our great friend's and family who have been here to support us and help us along the road in the last 15 months.Thank You all from the bottom of my heart.
'Chasing Cars' was out when Sai was diagnosed and we just clung to each other and lay on the bed in Tallaght Hospital and I would be driving back and forwards and it was never off the radio.And latterly the same thing with Take That although I don't know if Sai even got to hear that song............the Travelling Wilbury's at the end was totally Sai,he really liked them.It was a learning experience with the lovely Chinese traditions which I had known nothing about as I've never been to a Chinese passing.East meets West.
So many people said to me what a wonderful service it was,I hope it was.Fr Michael and our friend Enda made it all run so smoothly-I'm indebted to them also.The few words I said are a bit of a blurry memory but I knew that I had to do it.Jordan did so well to say a few words too,I'm proud of him,well of all of them.
I should have thanked all the doctors and staff at Tallaght too-they really did their best to help Sai beat this.Also,if you want to do something in memory of Sai,next time you go shopping buy something organic if you don't already ;whether it be apples or shampoo (health food shop)-he would appreciate that.
On Sunday,(which is today and I should be in bed )the hospice at Harold's X is having a lighting the Christmas tree ceremony from 4pm-5pm and you can donate E5 and 'Light Up a Life' in memory of someone.I'm going to take the boys along and hope to do so every year for their dad.
Ok,signing off now-thank you all for supporting Sai's blog.
ps Thank you for comments posted E_ _ _ and C_ _ _ _ _.
Love you Sai.xxxx
Sunday, December 02, 2007
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Sai -Dec1966-Nov 2007
Good Morning Folks,as Sai always says,
Many of you learned our sad news of Sai passing away yesterday morning.This will probably be the last posting on Sai's blog now and I am doing this as I know for sure that Sai will be saying to me from above-be strong,do the blog.He is here,all around me and that's what is holding things together.
Jordan and I stayed over on Thursday night.Sai's breathing started to change but he was being well looked after by the nurse Anne who was on duty.He was made as comfortable as possible and i kept an eye on him too and kept telling him I loved him.I had been told that hearing is the always there and is the last thing to go.In the morning I got a shower along in the visitors area as did Jordan after me.I am just so grateful that we were both with Sai when he passed away.The nurse on duty knew that Sai was leaving us soon and got Jordan back to the room.She is a lovely nurse and was going to stay in the room but i asked if she could please leave-Sai passed away a few minutes later just after 9 30am.I feel Sai all around and he is keeping me strong.
A friend was on the way with my mum and the boys so they arrived a little while after.We all had a few tears but it was lovely to be there with Sai for a few hours.He looked at peace and no longer suffering with all that he has gone through.
I told Sai a couple of weeks ago that whatever happened he would be at home again so that is what we have decided.Sai will be coming home on Sunday afternoon and the funeral will be on Tuesday 2pm at Mount Jerome Cremitorium,Harolds Cross,Dublin.
I would like everyone to bring a single flower(or one per family or couple) with them-no wreaths please and money can be donated to the hospice if wished.
I can't praise the hospice at Harold,s Cross (Our Lady's) enough,the staff are like angels and I'm so glad Sai was there in his final week.
My heart isn't breaking at the moment as I feel that has happened already .Someone close to me was told by a woman who did not know Sai had passed away that there was someone waiting to meet Sai.I truly believe that.Sai is all around me and I know he will be happier if I can be strong so I will do my best and have strength in knowing that Sai was loved and had many friends in Intel and elsewhere.God Bless. Elaine.xxx
Many of you learned our sad news of Sai passing away yesterday morning.This will probably be the last posting on Sai's blog now and I am doing this as I know for sure that Sai will be saying to me from above-be strong,do the blog.He is here,all around me and that's what is holding things together.
- Sai started to deteriorate on Wednesday and it wasn't easy to see the man you love going through that.Sai was determined as you know and that was what got him this far.I stayed over on Wed night and slept on a chair beside him..My mum took the boys out of school on Friday and our friend Jude brought them over to the hospice.I'm so glad that happenend as they got time to spend with their dad.Although very weak Sai was awake for spells.A few other friends came by as well as Father Michael our local priest here-we aren't catholic which isn't important,we have known Fr Michael for a few years.Dr Higgins the consultant at the hospice (and Tallaght) spoke with the boys.He truly is a great doctor-has all the right qualities for that proffession which you don't always see.
Jordan and I stayed over on Thursday night.Sai's breathing started to change but he was being well looked after by the nurse Anne who was on duty.He was made as comfortable as possible and i kept an eye on him too and kept telling him I loved him.I had been told that hearing is the always there and is the last thing to go.In the morning I got a shower along in the visitors area as did Jordan after me.I am just so grateful that we were both with Sai when he passed away.The nurse on duty knew that Sai was leaving us soon and got Jordan back to the room.She is a lovely nurse and was going to stay in the room but i asked if she could please leave-Sai passed away a few minutes later just after 9 30am.I feel Sai all around and he is keeping me strong.
A friend was on the way with my mum and the boys so they arrived a little while after.We all had a few tears but it was lovely to be there with Sai for a few hours.He looked at peace and no longer suffering with all that he has gone through.
I told Sai a couple of weeks ago that whatever happened he would be at home again so that is what we have decided.Sai will be coming home on Sunday afternoon and the funeral will be on Tuesday 2pm at Mount Jerome Cremitorium,Harolds Cross,Dublin.
I would like everyone to bring a single flower(or one per family or couple) with them-no wreaths please and money can be donated to the hospice if wished.
I can't praise the hospice at Harold,s Cross (Our Lady's) enough,the staff are like angels and I'm so glad Sai was there in his final week.
My heart isn't breaking at the moment as I feel that has happened already .Someone close to me was told by a woman who did not know Sai had passed away that there was someone waiting to meet Sai.I truly believe that.Sai is all around me and I know he will be happier if I can be strong so I will do my best and have strength in knowing that Sai was loved and had many friends in Intel and elsewhere.God Bless. Elaine.xxx
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Tuesday-Day 4 in Hospice
Good Evening Folks,
Sai is still very tired and weak.He's still on antibiotics but hasn't had another temp spike since the first one which is good news.I've been heading in for lunchtime,well I popped into Liffey Valley to get an ice crusher as they were blending the ice cubes for Sai but it wasn't ground down enough but they were trying-so I was tracking down a crusher for him as he loves the crushed ice.I got one in Curry's (a mini food processor with an ice blade) and Sai was happy about that so he has ice without big chunks in it now.We donated it to the kitchen on his ward.He is on St Gabriel's ward and has his own room.It's a much calmer atmosphere than the hospital and the staff are all lovely,not that they weren't lovely in Tallaght too.In saying that the care is more tailored in the hospice as it's mostly cancer patients there and the atmosphere is nice.
There weren't any curtains up in Sai's room when he arrived on Friday and that was one of the things that got to me a bit-I know it's not that important and Sai didn't even notice but it just made the room look a bit,well shabby.There was a big splodgy mark on the ceiling too and it looked MRSA 'ish.I asked the nurse about it-well to be honest it was an emotional day with Sai transferring there (as i said the other day) and i was bubbling a bit.The curtains were away to be washed as they always do that after a room is vacated (don't do that in Tallaght?) which is good to know,so they went back up yesterday and the splodges were painted over so the room looked much better.(the painters are making there way down the corridors at present)In the scheme of things i know it's not that important but the room looks cosier now and they apoligised that curtains weren't hanging then I felt bad.Sai's room is at the end of the corridor so it's quiet which is good.There's a nice sitting room near it as well.
Our GP phoned the ward to check how things were going-he's very good.The nurse took me to the phone to have a wee chat with him.It' unusual to get that personal interest these days.He thought we had done the right thing going in there as I had been thinking of Sai coming home but it would have been too much for both of us I think too.
Sai sat out on a comfy chair for a while this afternoon,he slept mostly but it's important that he's out of the bed for a while each day.He had a sore chest going back into bed and had some extra painkiller.I just hope he can get a bit stronger.
Anyway,day at a time.I met a woman in the sitting room yesterday and her husband is in a similar situation to Sai although he is a bit older.Himself and Sai actually met on the Oncology Day Unit in Tallaght whilst getting chemotherapy-it was good to chat with someone who was going through the same as I am,who understood.
Going to bed now,nite nite.E.x
Sai is still very tired and weak.He's still on antibiotics but hasn't had another temp spike since the first one which is good news.I've been heading in for lunchtime,well I popped into Liffey Valley to get an ice crusher as they were blending the ice cubes for Sai but it wasn't ground down enough but they were trying-so I was tracking down a crusher for him as he loves the crushed ice.I got one in Curry's (a mini food processor with an ice blade) and Sai was happy about that so he has ice without big chunks in it now.We donated it to the kitchen on his ward.He is on St Gabriel's ward and has his own room.It's a much calmer atmosphere than the hospital and the staff are all lovely,not that they weren't lovely in Tallaght too.In saying that the care is more tailored in the hospice as it's mostly cancer patients there and the atmosphere is nice.
There weren't any curtains up in Sai's room when he arrived on Friday and that was one of the things that got to me a bit-I know it's not that important and Sai didn't even notice but it just made the room look a bit,well shabby.There was a big splodgy mark on the ceiling too and it looked MRSA 'ish.I asked the nurse about it-well to be honest it was an emotional day with Sai transferring there (as i said the other day) and i was bubbling a bit.The curtains were away to be washed as they always do that after a room is vacated (don't do that in Tallaght?) which is good to know,so they went back up yesterday and the splodges were painted over so the room looked much better.(the painters are making there way down the corridors at present)In the scheme of things i know it's not that important but the room looks cosier now and they apoligised that curtains weren't hanging then I felt bad.Sai's room is at the end of the corridor so it's quiet which is good.There's a nice sitting room near it as well.
Our GP phoned the ward to check how things were going-he's very good.The nurse took me to the phone to have a wee chat with him.It' unusual to get that personal interest these days.He thought we had done the right thing going in there as I had been thinking of Sai coming home but it would have been too much for both of us I think too.
Sai sat out on a comfy chair for a while this afternoon,he slept mostly but it's important that he's out of the bed for a while each day.He had a sore chest going back into bed and had some extra painkiller.I just hope he can get a bit stronger.
Anyway,day at a time.I met a woman in the sitting room yesterday and her husband is in a similar situation to Sai although he is a bit older.Himself and Sai actually met on the Oncology Day Unit in Tallaght whilst getting chemotherapy-it was good to chat with someone who was going through the same as I am,who understood.
Going to bed now,nite nite.E.x
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Sunday-Day 3
Evening Folks,
Myself and the boys went into visit Sai today.He didn't really want them to come in as he just wants peace and quiet,he can't really take a lot going on roundabout him as he just feels wrecked most of the time.I took them in though as I felt it was important for all of us,their dad is in a new place too and they had to see that as well.They watched a DVD in the Sitting Room and saw a bit of Sai.I stopped off at Dunne's and bought Sai a new duvet /set as he felt the blankets too heavy on him.They had got him a quilt last night but it also was kind of heavy,anyway it made his bed look nicer when the nurses changed it all.The staff are all lovely.Sai constantly needs a jug of crushed ice so they have to blend the ice cubes for him.He asked me to try get an ice crusher machine but i couldn't get one (i just missed 2 on sale in Curry's!).
Being totally honest Sai needs help in sitting up and getting out of bed now.As you can only imagine he feels totally helpless.It's very hard to see my husband that I love going through this.It's just not fair-cancer is just a horrific disease.One day there will be a cure for it and thousands upon thousands of lives will be saved.
Also he had a bit of a temp last night ,the doctor who looks about 22yrs old put him straight on an antibiotic as Dr Higgins had left instructions if this should happen.It didn't rise again so that's good.We left him comfy in his recliner chair.His swollen ankles and legs are almost back to normal which is great.I've been massaging his feet and putting cream and almond oil on them as they were/are very dry with the chemo.It makes me feel a bit less useless being able to do things for him.We'll see how things go,
Nite,E.x.
Myself and the boys went into visit Sai today.He didn't really want them to come in as he just wants peace and quiet,he can't really take a lot going on roundabout him as he just feels wrecked most of the time.I took them in though as I felt it was important for all of us,their dad is in a new place too and they had to see that as well.They watched a DVD in the Sitting Room and saw a bit of Sai.I stopped off at Dunne's and bought Sai a new duvet /set as he felt the blankets too heavy on him.They had got him a quilt last night but it also was kind of heavy,anyway it made his bed look nicer when the nurses changed it all.The staff are all lovely.Sai constantly needs a jug of crushed ice so they have to blend the ice cubes for him.He asked me to try get an ice crusher machine but i couldn't get one (i just missed 2 on sale in Curry's!).
Being totally honest Sai needs help in sitting up and getting out of bed now.As you can only imagine he feels totally helpless.It's very hard to see my husband that I love going through this.It's just not fair-cancer is just a horrific disease.One day there will be a cure for it and thousands upon thousands of lives will be saved.
Also he had a bit of a temp last night ,the doctor who looks about 22yrs old put him straight on an antibiotic as Dr Higgins had left instructions if this should happen.It didn't rise again so that's good.We left him comfy in his recliner chair.His swollen ankles and legs are almost back to normal which is great.I've been massaging his feet and putting cream and almond oil on them as they were/are very dry with the chemo.It makes me feel a bit less useless being able to do things for him.We'll see how things go,
Nite,E.x.
Friday, November 16, 2007
Moved To the Hospice-Day One.
Evening Folks,
Sai moved into his room at the hospice today.Everything went smoothly and I left him dozing at 6pm.Sai didn't seem phased by it,after being in Tallaght for 2 months I'm surprised but relieved.I was the one who found it all a bit overwhelming (poor me, eh?)-anyway,it's the best thing this move.The staff are all lovely and Dr Higgins came by to see Sai had settled in ok.
Sai's aim is to get strong and get chemo again.
He doesn't want any visitors until he gets this first week out the way so we'll see how things go.I'm doing the blog for Sai as this is what he wants.His determination is still 100%.
Anyway,until tomorrow night night.E x
Sai moved into his room at the hospice today.Everything went smoothly and I left him dozing at 6pm.Sai didn't seem phased by it,after being in Tallaght for 2 months I'm surprised but relieved.I was the one who found it all a bit overwhelming (poor me, eh?)-anyway,it's the best thing this move.The staff are all lovely and Dr Higgins came by to see Sai had settled in ok.
Sai's aim is to get strong and get chemo again.
He doesn't want any visitors until he gets this first week out the way so we'll see how things go.I'm doing the blog for Sai as this is what he wants.His determination is still 100%.
Anyway,until tomorrow night night.E x
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Thursday 15th Nov 2007
Evening Folks,
Tomorrow Sai wil be going to a hospice.We decided that would be the best thing to do.The nurses/staff in Tallaght have been great but he will get better specialist care in the hospice.It's Our Lady's Hospice at Harold's Cross in Dublin.We were talking about Sai coming home at the beginning of the week and the social worker at the hospital was starting the ball rolling on that-getting a bed etc put in here and everything Sai would need.I talked to my GP about it-he told me that Sai's drains would be removed before coming home and wouldn't get the IV nutrients or any IV treatment,so that just isn't happening-he needs the drains or his abdomen will probably get huge again (it's still distended and doesn't look like it will go down.The blockage in his intestine is causing that and there's a lot of air in there-you would think it would be easy to get that out but it just isn't.)Dr Higgins the Palliative Care doctor in Tallaght is the consultant at the hospice as well so Sai and him know each other-he's very nice.There are only 30 odd beds in the hospice and Sai has managed to get his own room which he is happy about.It's on ground level and has gardens around it-we'll see it tomorrow.
Sai's antibiotics finished today.Dr Higgins told us the other day the infection Sai had was peritonitis-we hadn't been told that before but i suppose we would just have worried more-it's a pretty serious infection but Sai fought it..Dr McDermott was in to see Sai too but Sai couldn't really remember what he said as he was so drowsy.My GP also told me the other day that he was astounded that Sai had survived his last operation! Sai is just so determined in his head.I think he has amazed everyone.
So many friends and family of friends are praying for him,it's great and uplifting to know that.I told the boys about their dad going to the hospice-they hadn't heard of a hospice before which isn't surprising.They were told before that he might not get better but hope and staying positive has always been top of the list.You can't ever give up hope,of course you can't but my GP thinks i haven't accepted things because i still have this hope-well sorry but i just don't get that.OK that's the science outlook but if you didn't have hope then you would be as well being in a heap in the corner!
We'll see how tomorrow goes ,night.E. x
Tomorrow Sai wil be going to a hospice.We decided that would be the best thing to do.The nurses/staff in Tallaght have been great but he will get better specialist care in the hospice.It's Our Lady's Hospice at Harold's Cross in Dublin.We were talking about Sai coming home at the beginning of the week and the social worker at the hospital was starting the ball rolling on that-getting a bed etc put in here and everything Sai would need.I talked to my GP about it-he told me that Sai's drains would be removed before coming home and wouldn't get the IV nutrients or any IV treatment,so that just isn't happening-he needs the drains or his abdomen will probably get huge again (it's still distended and doesn't look like it will go down.The blockage in his intestine is causing that and there's a lot of air in there-you would think it would be easy to get that out but it just isn't.)Dr Higgins the Palliative Care doctor in Tallaght is the consultant at the hospice as well so Sai and him know each other-he's very nice.There are only 30 odd beds in the hospice and Sai has managed to get his own room which he is happy about.It's on ground level and has gardens around it-we'll see it tomorrow.
Sai's antibiotics finished today.Dr Higgins told us the other day the infection Sai had was peritonitis-we hadn't been told that before but i suppose we would just have worried more-it's a pretty serious infection but Sai fought it..Dr McDermott was in to see Sai too but Sai couldn't really remember what he said as he was so drowsy.My GP also told me the other day that he was astounded that Sai had survived his last operation! Sai is just so determined in his head.I think he has amazed everyone.
So many friends and family of friends are praying for him,it's great and uplifting to know that.I told the boys about their dad going to the hospice-they hadn't heard of a hospice before which isn't surprising.They were told before that he might not get better but hope and staying positive has always been top of the list.You can't ever give up hope,of course you can't but my GP thinks i haven't accepted things because i still have this hope-well sorry but i just don't get that.OK that's the science outlook but if you didn't have hope then you would be as well being in a heap in the corner!
We'll see how tomorrow goes ,night.E. x
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Tuesday 30th Oct 2007
Afternoon Folks,
I have been meaning to update the blog-the boys keep pinching the white internet box in the sitting room-anyway I'm here at the hospital with Sai.Not a lot has been happening,Sai is doing much the same as last week.He's still on the antibiotics and is very tired most of the time and is eating next to nothing.The food supplement is on for 8hrs at nighttime.It doesn't look like chemotherapy is an option now as Sai just isn't able for it-but,never say never is what I say!
We all came in on Sunday to visit and i took the boys and my wee mum who's still here ,chopping up wood and rearranging my messy kitchen drawers-to see Ratatouille at Liffey Valley.It was ok,not great and not rubbish.
Anyway,we will see what this week brings-keep these prayers coming ,
E. x
I have been meaning to update the blog-the boys keep pinching the white internet box in the sitting room-anyway I'm here at the hospital with Sai.Not a lot has been happening,Sai is doing much the same as last week.He's still on the antibiotics and is very tired most of the time and is eating next to nothing.The food supplement is on for 8hrs at nighttime.It doesn't look like chemotherapy is an option now as Sai just isn't able for it-but,never say never is what I say!
We all came in on Sunday to visit and i took the boys and my wee mum who's still here ,chopping up wood and rearranging my messy kitchen drawers-to see Ratatouille at Liffey Valley.It was ok,not great and not rubbish.
Anyway,we will see what this week brings-keep these prayers coming ,
E. x
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